I created this account to anonymously document my
experiences as a depressed bipolar adult who suffers from anxiety
and PTSD.
My posts will not be pretty or funny, but a real life depiction of
what it is like to live with these debilitating mental
illnesses.
My background:
I am a 24 (almost 25) year old caucasian female from North America.
I am engaged with no children, only pets. Three years ago, my
father passed away unexpectedly, shortly after which I ended my six
year relationship with my lying, cheating, abusive ex. I moved back
home to live with my stepmother and two brothers, and in that time,
I thought I found myself. I was happy, fun, and enjoyed life. Two
months later, I entered a new relationship (my current one), and
was extremely happy for one month. After that, on my now
fiance's birthday, a girl wrote Happy Birthday on his Facebook
wall, and I lost myself. My jealous and rage kicked in, and over
the past two years, it has only worsened. Since that day, we have
gone off all social media, and left all our friends behind to focus
on each other. We are not individuals at all.
In November of 2015, I was diagnosed with Depression, Bipolar
Disorder, Anxiety, and PTSD. I was prescribed medications by my
psychiatrist and have to see a counselor every week.
My current mental state is very unstable. I am once again feeling
very suicidal, and have not been taking my meds. I cannot focus, I
always hate myself, and there are days where I get so mad at my
fiance for talking about other girls, one in particular.
Every day is a struggle to get out of bed and live. I wake up most
days and wish I hadn't.
Current status: I want to kill myself. Everyone in my life would be
so much happier and better off without me. My mom wouldn't have
to worry, and my fiance could have all the girlfriends he wants.