Imstillhere Quotes


Last time I checked I wasn't speaking a FOREIGN LANGUAGE
 

Causeverything
>>>>>you wanted me to hide <<<<<
is everything that makes me feel alive.

Maybe tonight
It's gonna be alright
I will get better
Maybe today
It's gonna be okay
I will remember.
I've been humiliated.
I've been abused.
I've been ignored.
I've been taken for granted.
I've been hated.
I've been struck down.
I've been tossed aside.
But I'm still here.
So are you.
I'm still here
Chapter Four
Present Time

 
It was a flurry of sweaty handshakes and then we took off at a light jog down her grassy hill.
It was eerily silent and I vaguely remembered it being kinda warm out, there were no lights either.
We stopped for a few minutes breath at a bus stop, we all sat down on the bench.
I heard the sound of kissing, and looked over at Angie locking lips with the guy who'd introduced himself as Gus. I'd never liked that name.
I blushed but turned my attention to the other boy, Andrew. "Er." I said. Great, genius Halley.
He chuckled, "Halley right? Not Haley." I smiled into the dark, "Yeah. Andrew?" He grinned.
"Nice of them to invite the suckers to their make out fest huh?" He whispered.
I stood up and walked a couple feet away, and Andrew surprisingly followed me.
"You have a boyfriend?" He asked gently. I shook my head, "Guys aren't really my thing."
He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair, "Ah, you play for the other team?"
I stared for a second and then understood, "OH! No! No haha. I just meant i'd never had any luck dating.." He opened his mouth to answer but Angie had walked over to us, Gus had his arm around her and she had a smile plastered on her face.
"Come on, we're going to Odies." I shook my head, "Actually, if it's alright, I'm going to head home."
"Oh come on Halley." She said, but I shook my head. "No, really. I'll go home."
"Alright whatever. Andrew? You in?" Gus said kind of angrily. I started to walk but Andrew caught my arm lightly. "I'll walk Halley home, and then we'll meet up."
Angie and Gus rolled their eyes but turned away and walked off.
"You don't have to lie just to get away from them.." I said, feeling nervous.
"I'm not lying. Angie shouldn't have brought you out. I want you to get home safe. So lead me in the right direction and we'll walk." I nodded and started back the way we'd come.
Was I walking home at 2 in the morning with a kid I didn't even know?
That adrenaline feeling surged in my stomach.


 
I'm still here
Chapter Three
Present Time

 
"I'm going to Angies, see you later!" I called out, but before I could shut the door, my dad grabbed my arm and pulled me back inside. "Ow, dad, what the heck." I rubbed my shoulder
and he paced back and forth. "You aren't going out."
"Yes. I am. What's wrong with you? I always go to Angies!" He shook his head.
And held up a little empty baggie. "Explain yourself."
My stomach dropped. "I didn't smoke that, dad."
He stuffed it into his pocket. "Oh really?" I nodded, "Really. I threw it out the window. I guess I didn't toss the bag. I promise you." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I was such an easy cryer, god damnit. I cleared my throat, "I'm not lying. you know I wouldn't." He nodded after a minute.
"Fine. Go on, have fun. I better not find out you lied."
..
"Can you believe it? He seriously found the bag! Hah! Did you feed him a good lie?"
She chewed on her finger nail, waiting for my response. "I told the truth.." She laughed at me.
"You did? And he didn't flip? Haha!" I shrugged, "I didn't smoke it." She stopped laughing and chewing and gaped at me. "What. You threw out 30 dollars of weed? that I gave you as a present?"
I nodded slowly. "I didn't wanna try it."
She growled at me, "Well you should've given it back to me!" "I don't want you smoking that crud either."
She shook her head, "You're nuts. It's not bad for you."
"Yes. It is. Even if not the actual plant the smoke is. You're messing yourself over and you're 16! Grow up, Angie. There is more to life than drugs and alcohol, I don't want to lose you young."
She looked mad for a second, but then sighed, "Yeah yeah. Whatever. Come on, let's go to sleep."
I frowned at her, "Promise." "Promise? Promise what?" I threw a pillow at her, "That you'll stop drinking and smoking. Please?" She turned over on her side and flipped me off, "I'll take it as a yes then." "Oh fine." She mumbled into the pillow.
*Beep beep*
Her phone rang with a text, she sprang up and a smile spread across her face.
"You know that feeling you described to me?" I nodded slowly.
"Would you like to feel that again?" I nodded slower.
"Come on, put on some jeans and a sweatshirt. We're going out."
I looked at the clock just as there was a tap at Ang's window.
A pale face peeked in at us and I buttoned my black jeans and pulled on my Black Vans hoodie.
"Ready, Angie?" A male voice called into the room. She shut off the light and ushered me out her window first and then followed silently behind.
"Yup, Guys, meet Halley. Halley, meet the guys."

 
I'm still here
Chapter One
Present Time
Summer
I stuffed the little baggie under my pillow just as my dad was knocking on my door.
"Come in!" I called, trying not to sound like I was up to something.
"Hey, Hall. How does going out for dinner sound? It is your birthday after all. You're only 16 once!"
I smiled, "Sure Dad, I'll be ready in a few." He clapped his hands together.
"Great, meet me in the living room." He started to walk out.
"You smell something weird?" He sniffed again and wrinkled his nose.
"Uh, no.. Maybe I need a shower." I joked but could hardly force a smile. He grinned and left.
I exhaled, and pulled the little baggie out again, I grimaced at the weed my friend Angie had given me for my birthday. I really didn't want to try it. There was something kind of nerdy-cool about being all 'Straight edge' and what not. I jammed it into a sock and tucked it away in my underwear drawer.
I put on a floral summer dress and some brown sandals, I fluffed my beach blonde hair and walked to the living room where my dad was waiting.
We went out to dinner at my favorite place, and they even brought me out a complimentary cupcake.
I blew out the candle and made the same wish I did every year.
And when we got home late, I simply said I wanted to just relax, so dad let me be alone.
I grabbed the plastic bag and a small glass object and jammed them into my purse. I snuck out my bedroom window and half ran into the woods of my back yard. I swung up into a low hanging willow and leaned back to catch my breath. Was I about to do this?
I toyed with the lighter and decided no. I opened the bag and the light wind caught the dried up leaves and blew them away. I flung the lighter and glass into a nearby oak and I hopped down and walked slowly back to my window. But when I got there, I realized I forgot to prop it open so it had shut on me.
I slammed my palms against it and tried to shove it upwards, "nononoo come on!" It inched up.
I pushed harder, and nearly fainted when I heard my dad walking down the long hall to my room.
It budged 2 more inches and I kept struggling with it. He was getting closer.
Suddenly it gave away and I slammed it up, I jumped up and into my room as my dad jogged down the rest of the way to my room. "Hall? You alright?" I slid the window shut and flopped onto my bed. I rubbed the sweat from my forehead as he barged in.
"Halley?" I grimaced, "I feel kinda sick." He came over and felt my forehead. "You're all sweaty. Here," he pushed the garbage can over to me. "Hope you feel better. Night sweet pea."
He was kinda squeamish.
He shut the door tight behind him and I couldn't help but enjoy the adrenaline rushing through me at the thought of almost being caught. It was like lightning coursing through my veins.
Is this what it was like to live?
 
I'm still here
Prefix
The flashback
7th Grade
When my twin sister died, I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to cope.
My parents kinda fell apart.
And I sort of fell with them.

"Halley, come inside kiddo. It's getting dark."
I looked over my shoulder at my dad, silhouetted by the setting sun. His hand was waving over his shoulder as he called me in for dinner.
He'd sit me down, and we'd have our little talk. I take my shower and afterwards he'd tuck me in to bed.
"Dad.. Why can't I see mommy?" He fidgeted under my gaze at the end of my bed.
"It's hard to explain sweetie. Get some sleep alright? Don't forget your prayers."
I knew them by heart, having started praying a year ago. 
I lifted my covers and shuffled across my room.
 
I crouched by my window and looked up at the full moon.
I clasped my hands together and shut my eyes tight.

"Angles east and angels west,
North and South just do your best.
To watch me and guard me as I rest.
God Bless, Amen."
 
I snuggled back under the covers and fell fast asleep.
 
Just once, I want someone to actually put me first
 
is that really so selfish?
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