Jokes Quotes

When You "Nice" Your Own Joke xD 


no i will not make the first move,
 
i will not move at all, carry me



i am usually that person that has
 
no idea what the fck is going on but will do it anyway

 




can i get a hell yeah if you don't
 
know what you're doing with your life and never get any sleep
 




i wanna open a tea shop called
 
"it's partea time" and i'll spike all the tea with vodka


one time I overslept and my mom came into

my room to wake me up and said “you had better get up or else you’ll be rushing”. I wanted to say

“if I’m rushing then so be it”

but since I was still

half asleep my mind changed “rushing” to “Russian”,

I rolled over and said “if I’m Russian, soviet” and to this day it’s the best joke I’ve ever made
Two guys walk into a bar











You'd think the second one would duck


The hardest things about a new friendship is trying to find out the boundary for jokes.

I would like to give a BIG thanks to my mother
who laughed when my doctor asked me if I was sexually active.
I wish I was able to video tape her reaction when I told him that I in fact was.

 

So yesterday I had that big and long test and my mom kept saying at least you don't have one today! Then right before I was about to leave she came running out of her room saying, "Julian you have to retake the test! Get your sweats back on so you're comfy!" it was so obvious she was lying so I just said, "April Fools" and she was like, "ugh i thought I got you! Have a good day ahaha!" so yea that's life in my house :P
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