Best Laugh Quotes Today







It's funny how if you get an A
on a test, your grade goes up like 2 percent, but if you get an F on a test, your grade goes down like the Titanic.





 


 
If Taylor and Harry were still together and I saw them:

Taylor and Harry: *making out*
Me: *gasp*
Taylor and Harry: *look at me*
Me: You're that guy from that Pepsi commercial and you're all like "and I'm Herreh!" I love that commercial!
Harry: Err, thanks.
Me: And you! You're the one that dated Joe Jonas and Lucas Till!
Taylor: *nods and smiles*
Me: And Taylor Lautner! Oh, and John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhaal!!
Taylor: *stands there awkwardly*
Me: Oh! And that guy from Glee, umm, Cory Montieth! OHH and Zac Efron! And Eddie Redmayne! 
Taylor: Uh...
Me: Oh, and I can't forget Connor Kennedy!! ...Dang, that's a lot of guys... *looks at Harry* Good luck, bro. 
Not meant to offend either swifties or directioners. just thought it was funny. Follow me and I'll follow back, duh.
Niall Horan: I hate it when girls act stupid because they think it's cute. Intelligence is attractive.

Me: One particle of unobtanium has a nuclear reaction with a flux capacitor, carry the two, change it's atomic isotope into a raioactive spider. follow for a follow.
Me: Taylor Swift is a bad singer. Do you agree? 
Siri: I have no comment. I do not want a song written about me.

not mine. not meant to offend swifties, just thought it was funny. follow for a follow.

They told me
that to make him fall in love
I had to make him laugh.
But everytime he laughs,
I'm the one who falls in love...

 


today i saw this cute cop and my first thought was “damn i would tap that a.ss so bad and then he laughed and came closer to me and i thought i did something bad and i couldn’t think what was it and when he started talking i took off my headphones and he said that was quite a compliment young lady” and in that moment i realizED I SAY THAT OUT LOUD AND FCK MY LIFE AND WHY MUST I HAVE A MOUTH WITH NO FILTER

Theres nothing
like the deep breaths after laughing that hard.
Nothing in the world like a sore stomach
for the right reasons.

 



"My cousin is six.

I was talking to him the other day and I said

'What do you want to be when you're older?'

He looked at me and went 'A unicorn.'

And I was like 'Why is that?'

'So I can stab people with my head.'"



 

THIS ONE IS FOR YOU MUSIC NERDS LIKE US

*My sister and I trying to teach a boy to play piano*


 Boy: Did you ever take piano lessons?
Sister: No, Im a natural I guess.
Me: Well, aren't you sharp?
Sister: Take notes then.
Me: Now, lets not cause any treble.
Sister: 
Me: Score!
Sister: Give it a rest.
Me: Are we going to be doing this the whole time?
Sister: I could go on for forte days.
Me: That would B major.
Sister: I swear, you are beat in' me up over this.
Me: Im sorry, I didn't mean to. It was accidental.
Sister: You have some major problems. 
Me: I don't like your tone.
Boy: Come on guys, compose your thoughts carefully.
Sister: Yeah, lets stick to the coda conduct.
Me: Okay, this is getting ritarded.
Sister: Yeah, I can't think of anymore clefer things to say.
Me: This is alto much for me.
Sister: This is really becoming unbarible.
Me: Good thing you are A minor. Your jokes are so bad, you could have got double time.
Boy: What is going on? Why are you guys laughing so much?
Sister: Well, bassically- *starts laughing*
Me: Okay, lets just get bach to the music. Its too much for her to handel.

Yes, we had an entire conversation in music puns. If you don't know much about music and band, this probably makes no sense.  










"If there are any idiots in the room,
please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one student rose to his feet. "Now then, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."







 
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