okay. so, i had this
boyfriend for four years right? he was this guy who i had been
completely infatuated with since the 7th grade. and he always
seemed like a decent guy and most of the time he was.
our first two years together were quite nice he wasnt an amazing gentleman or anything but he was a nice enough boyfriend.
i of course was madly in love with him, my will was his command.
i didnt realize it about him at first but he was selfish. when we went out he didnt like holding my hand because it was bothersome to him, he would forget to text back for hours at a time sometimes, when he came over he would take naps while i played with his hair, everytime. the same thing.
he spent every waking hour of the day with his friends and made time for me two days out of the week when we saw each other at church. now this wasnt all his fault, he was my first boyfriend and i didnt want him to break up with me so whatever he wanted or said i tried to go with.
i would avoid telling him things i didnt like because the one time i did we almost broke up. so i became so afraid hed leave me if i complained so in the end i just bottled everything up.
forward to two years into our relationship and my uncle kills himself, my cat died, and my grandmother who had been living with us since i was little; died. he decided to tell me the day i get the news about my uncle that last night while he was hanging out with friends he decided to move six hours away for college. and he did, after a month into being there all he does is party and drink. and
one night while he was a little drunker than he normally got he made out with one of his old friends from high school who was visiting.
he told me the next day right before i left to go to the movies with my friends.
the next few months after that he kept telling me he didnt really know if he wanted this relationship anymore, me being the way i was i couldnt break up with him. i loved him so much. so i told him to end it if he didnt want it anymore. and he never did.
fast forward two more years. we've been doing long distance for two years now.
he hates doing phone calls, refuses to skype me, and hardly has time to text.
one day i walked into a Marine Corps recruiters office because a friend asked me to talk to him, a week later im sworn in and leave for bootcamp in a month.
he was nervous about it, he didnt want me to stay in since we planned to get married and he wanted kids before 25.
i left for bootcamp March 13th 2017, we sent letters back and forth all through out bootcamp, and then finally the day before graduation when i got to call my family and friends for a bit i called him and our conversation for not being able to talk in 3 months was this,
*ringing*
Him: yooooooo
Me: babe? hey babe, its me.... i did it.
HIm: apparently
me: im excited to see you soon
him: me too
Me (pretty damn dissapointed): yeah.... anyways i should probably go, sergent is calling us for formation. love ya, bye.
him: love ya too, bye
Sergent wasnt calling us for formation.
that call broke me, i got through 13 weeks of complete hell thinking all i wanted was to hear his voice; and that was how he answered.
i immedietly knew i had to break up with him.
but some old part of me fought through and while i was home on my ten day leave i acted normal, he cried in his car as he talked to me saying it had been the lonliest three months of his life.
that he missed me so much, it was really sad now that i think about it.
i smiled and hugged him and cried too. but my tears were because i ended up fighting so hard for myself i grew the strength to give up on him. right when he finally decided he wanted to fight for me.
after i broke up with him he begged for me back, cried to me, fought for me, said he would wait.
i guess you never really know what you had until its gone.
im happy now, we've been broken up for about 3 months.
my life is constantly busy with the daily demands of doing what i do. but i live for me now, as i encourage anyone else that may have a similar situation to do.
stop living your life revolved around the needs and demands of someone else.
you're worth so much more than that.
for me it took earning the title U.S. Marine, fighting harder than ive ever had to fight, and growing up faster than most others do in order to see i cant live my life for somebody elses happiness.
live a life you can be proud of.
Semper Fi
our first two years together were quite nice he wasnt an amazing gentleman or anything but he was a nice enough boyfriend.
i of course was madly in love with him, my will was his command.
i didnt realize it about him at first but he was selfish. when we went out he didnt like holding my hand because it was bothersome to him, he would forget to text back for hours at a time sometimes, when he came over he would take naps while i played with his hair, everytime. the same thing.
he spent every waking hour of the day with his friends and made time for me two days out of the week when we saw each other at church. now this wasnt all his fault, he was my first boyfriend and i didnt want him to break up with me so whatever he wanted or said i tried to go with.
i would avoid telling him things i didnt like because the one time i did we almost broke up. so i became so afraid hed leave me if i complained so in the end i just bottled everything up.
forward to two years into our relationship and my uncle kills himself, my cat died, and my grandmother who had been living with us since i was little; died. he decided to tell me the day i get the news about my uncle that last night while he was hanging out with friends he decided to move six hours away for college. and he did, after a month into being there all he does is party and drink. and
one night while he was a little drunker than he normally got he made out with one of his old friends from high school who was visiting.
he told me the next day right before i left to go to the movies with my friends.
the next few months after that he kept telling me he didnt really know if he wanted this relationship anymore, me being the way i was i couldnt break up with him. i loved him so much. so i told him to end it if he didnt want it anymore. and he never did.
fast forward two more years. we've been doing long distance for two years now.
he hates doing phone calls, refuses to skype me, and hardly has time to text.
one day i walked into a Marine Corps recruiters office because a friend asked me to talk to him, a week later im sworn in and leave for bootcamp in a month.
he was nervous about it, he didnt want me to stay in since we planned to get married and he wanted kids before 25.
i left for bootcamp March 13th 2017, we sent letters back and forth all through out bootcamp, and then finally the day before graduation when i got to call my family and friends for a bit i called him and our conversation for not being able to talk in 3 months was this,
*ringing*
Him: yooooooo
Me: babe? hey babe, its me.... i did it.
HIm: apparently
me: im excited to see you soon
him: me too
Me (pretty damn dissapointed): yeah.... anyways i should probably go, sergent is calling us for formation. love ya, bye.
him: love ya too, bye
Sergent wasnt calling us for formation.
that call broke me, i got through 13 weeks of complete hell thinking all i wanted was to hear his voice; and that was how he answered.
i immedietly knew i had to break up with him.
but some old part of me fought through and while i was home on my ten day leave i acted normal, he cried in his car as he talked to me saying it had been the lonliest three months of his life.
that he missed me so much, it was really sad now that i think about it.
i smiled and hugged him and cried too. but my tears were because i ended up fighting so hard for myself i grew the strength to give up on him. right when he finally decided he wanted to fight for me.
after i broke up with him he begged for me back, cried to me, fought for me, said he would wait.
i guess you never really know what you had until its gone.
im happy now, we've been broken up for about 3 months.
my life is constantly busy with the daily demands of doing what i do. but i live for me now, as i encourage anyone else that may have a similar situation to do.
stop living your life revolved around the needs and demands of someone else.
you're worth so much more than that.
for me it took earning the title U.S. Marine, fighting harder than ive ever had to fight, and growing up faster than most others do in order to see i cant live my life for somebody elses happiness.
live a life you can be proud of.
Semper Fi
No didn't change my mind its just been a really really long
process. Suppose to pay my car off but think once I show that I've
been making payments they'll waive it.
Yeah I told you this?
OFFICIALLY sworn into the Army National
Guard as of 20151026. :)
Loving a man serving
active duty
in the military is
a special kind of
hell. He's
sent away when
he's told,
to do as he's told, for
as long as he's told.
The only certainty
is that he will go.
Loving a man serving in the military reserve is a different kind of hell. He's away for one weekend a month, two days of 30, for drill practice and meetings. That's nothing. It's certain, it's constant, it's dependable. But when he has the option to go away for
6-9 months at a time, to leave for longer than those two days of 30, that's when the hell begins. He's notified, he applies, he's approved, he's notified of paperwork which never comes, he's harrassed day in and day out by civilian and military supervisors about when he's going where and for how long and "where's the paperwork already" and nothing is certain. You never know if he's going or not until it's too late to make him cute deployment gifts or arrange a going-away party. That is where the hell begins.
Loving a man serving in the military reserve is a different kind of hell. He's away for one weekend a month, two days of 30, for drill practice and meetings. That's nothing. It's certain, it's constant, it's dependable. But when he has the option to go away for
6-9 months at a time, to leave for longer than those two days of 30, that's when the hell begins. He's notified, he applies, he's approved, he's notified of paperwork which never comes, he's harrassed day in and day out by civilian and military supervisors about when he's going where and for how long and "where's the paperwork already" and nothing is certain. You never know if he's going or not until it's too late to make him cute deployment gifts or arrange a going-away party. That is where the hell begins.
Graduation is two months away. I got accepted to ACM, but
I want to join the military. I brought this up to my dad and he
flipped out. He doesn't want his youngest daughter joining
the military. He is afraid that I'll go overseas to fight,
get lonely, and bring back a guy that I should have never met. So
once again, I think I am going to give up my dreams to please my
father.
I just miss
him.
And no one understands what I have to go through, which is the worst part about it.
No one understands the feeling of being alone when you know that in reality, hopefully, even with the distance between you, are still together by staring through the solid ceiling at the stars in the dark night sky.
And no one understands what I have to go through, which is the worst part about it.
No one understands the feeling of being alone when you know that in reality, hopefully, even with the distance between you, are still together by staring through the solid ceiling at the stars in the dark night sky.
No matter what the distance is,
I will always love you
My traveling soldier. <3
I will always love you
My traveling soldier. <3
I told my mother I want to join the military and she said I was stupid
