I want
that,
"Baby I love you more" , kinda love. The "you're the only one that I adore", love.
That, "I'll always be here for you", love. Or, "I'll always support whatever you do", love.
What about, "I want you to hold me tight", love. "You're the only one I want tonight", love.
Maybe, "I can't wait to start our chapter", love.
Baby, "I want our happily ever after", love. But mostly I want that, "I will always love you no matter what", "I'm gonna stay faithful and true", love.
"My heart only has room for you", love. "You're my soulmate", kinda love. "Lets get married, I can't wait", love.
Yeah ; That love.
"Baby I love you more" , kinda love. The "you're the only one that I adore", love.
That, "I'll always be here for you", love. Or, "I'll always support whatever you do", love.
What about, "I want you to hold me tight", love. "You're the only one I want tonight", love.
Maybe, "I can't wait to start our chapter", love.
Baby, "I want our happily ever after", love. But mostly I want that, "I will always love you no matter what", "I'm gonna stay faithful and true", love.
"My heart only has room for you", love. "You're my soulmate", kinda love. "Lets get married, I can't wait", love.
Yeah ; That love.
so lately
bridges have been calling me
calling to be built
calling to be burnt
calling to be jumped from
I have only build them
don't have the heart to burn them
can only burn myself
afraid of putting myself out
at the bottom of the river
should be proud of those
engeniering skills and selective hearing
but birthdays are not parties for me
so much to celibrate
nothing makes me sing
I'm sitting on the bridges
feel the bottom of the river
calling my flames
my feet feel supported
by the strong cool steel
bridges have been calling me
calling to be built
calling to be burnt
calling to be jumped from
I have only build them
don't have the heart to burn them
can only burn myself
afraid of putting myself out
at the bottom of the river
should be proud of those
engeniering skills and selective hearing
but birthdays are not parties for me
so much to celibrate
nothing makes me sing
I'm sitting on the bridges
feel the bottom of the river
calling my flames
my feet feel supported
by the strong cool steel
She created a
place in her mind after everything bad happened as a child, this
place in her mind said to her that she was okay. After something
else happened the place in her mind was no longer good for her,
instead it haunted her.
She lost herself. emotionless to somethings that vary, putting a facade on to show that she's happy and feeling fine, when clearly otherwise.
((He is a different story. )) He used to make her feel even better and that she was kind of loved and that she had hope for the future, that she wanted to spend the future alive. Now she's not really sure what's next, but the thoughts of him gets her overwhelmed. Happy, sad and angry. One moment, she would be happy, that it's done, ended and the next she is sad at the fact she was never really loved. Anger comes in when he couldn't tell her who he really is and what he's like. It's a cycle of all these emotions for the past couple of days and nights.
She questions whether he is a physcopath or whether he actually loved her. It's hard for her to believe that he never loved her, the amount of times he told her convinced her. Then the thoughts of him telling another girl the same thing flood in, which just proves to her. She used to think of telling him that no one will ever love him as much as she did, but this girl probably does which pains her.
She feels so very numb when she's by herself, she's trying to find herself but it's quite impossible when she's just thinking of him. She knows she's supposed to do well this year, really well. But she's not in the right place and she doesn't think she will ever be. It's only 9 days into this year she wishes she could rewind it to the start of the year so she could hear him say he loved her even if he really didn't.
She didn't want to do what she did but she didn't think he would ever understand, so maybe now he will see.
She lost herself. emotionless to somethings that vary, putting a facade on to show that she's happy and feeling fine, when clearly otherwise.
((He is a different story. )) He used to make her feel even better and that she was kind of loved and that she had hope for the future, that she wanted to spend the future alive. Now she's not really sure what's next, but the thoughts of him gets her overwhelmed. Happy, sad and angry. One moment, she would be happy, that it's done, ended and the next she is sad at the fact she was never really loved. Anger comes in when he couldn't tell her who he really is and what he's like. It's a cycle of all these emotions for the past couple of days and nights.
She questions whether he is a physcopath or whether he actually loved her. It's hard for her to believe that he never loved her, the amount of times he told her convinced her. Then the thoughts of him telling another girl the same thing flood in, which just proves to her. She used to think of telling him that no one will ever love him as much as she did, but this girl probably does which pains her.
She feels so very numb when she's by herself, she's trying to find herself but it's quite impossible when she's just thinking of him. She knows she's supposed to do well this year, really well. But she's not in the right place and she doesn't think she will ever be. It's only 9 days into this year she wishes she could rewind it to the start of the year so she could hear him say he loved her even if he really didn't.
She didn't want to do what she did but she didn't think he would ever understand, so maybe now he will see.
You're back in my life--and I'm still sad.
Some days I am more
low shoulers than strong back
am more deep sigh than fierce words
am sad
am world inside me crumbeling
instead of florishing
or coliding
and today might be such a day
of slow of blue
of getting trough with
snow and tea
snuggle sweaters
steam, blush on cheeks
a smile that could mean nothing
or everything
of getting trough
low shoulers than strong back
am more deep sigh than fierce words
am sad
am world inside me crumbeling
instead of florishing
or coliding
and today might be such a day
of slow of blue
of getting trough with
snow and tea
snuggle sweaters
steam, blush on cheeks
a smile that could mean nothing
or everything
of getting trough
everything happens for a
reason
but somethings just turn out
bad, wrong, rotten
you might be excited
to enter a new world or way or
walk of life now you met me
however you call this
venture in my head
but I am still a scared little girl
I'm still tossing and turning in my head
questioning my creator and self
scared if I will scar myself again
this time in my new self destruction
but it's new right?
and it's fun
right?
but somethings just turn out
bad, wrong, rotten
you might be excited
to enter a new world or way or
walk of life now you met me
however you call this
venture in my head
but I am still a scared little girl
I'm still tossing and turning in my head
questioning my creator and self
scared if I will scar myself again
this time in my new self destruction
but it's new right?
and it's fun
right?
On some nights
I write because eventhough it is quite imbarrasing
it's not as imbarrasing as contemplating suicide
and the humiliation when someone spots me and sighs
not this again
so I write because
yes this again
this feeling of needing to put the pain inside
outside
taking out the trash wherther it is
cutting wrists, writing anything, jumping bridges, blowing bubbles, reading poetry, crying buckets, talking about (it), healing from (it), remembering (anything)
as long as it keeps this stinking mess outside
only for tonight
I need to put the mess outside for tonight
because I want to sleep
I want to sleep because I can't sleep
because my body want to keep hurting itself
while it wants to heal itself
this is the human condition
this is my duality
I write because eventhough it is quite imbarrasing
it's not as imbarrasing as contemplating suicide
and the humiliation when someone spots me and sighs
not this again
so I write because
yes this again
this feeling of needing to put the pain inside
outside
taking out the trash wherther it is
cutting wrists, writing anything, jumping bridges, blowing bubbles, reading poetry, crying buckets, talking about (it), healing from (it), remembering (anything)
as long as it keeps this stinking mess outside
only for tonight
I need to put the mess outside for tonight
because I want to sleep
I want to sleep because I can't sleep
because my body want to keep hurting itself
while it wants to heal itself
this is the human condition
this is my duality
If it's a cloudy day,
a fly could go its entire life without knowing what the stars look like.
What is our cloudy day?
© format coded by: br0kenwings
Please don't remove this, or make it invisible!
Image is from tumblr, original photographer unknown.
Please don't remove this, or make it invisible!
Image is from tumblr, original photographer unknown.
To be honest all the
love I give
is only about me
you are just the temporary home
I stall all my love, overload and overwhelm you
but don't worry it will find a new place soon
you can keep some
but it's only just enough to make you keep comming back
keep wanting that rush, you're not gonna get
I do not love you because you're pretty
or smart or sencitive or sweet
I love you because you are there
because you are imperfect
because you are something I can leave
I was never good with becomming one
with a body of any kind so I can leave
so I can complain, so I can pretend
like I'm anything but a nomad
I can't carry all this love
so I hand it out
but don't give it to yu
it's all still mine
to take away with me
is only about me
you are just the temporary home
I stall all my love, overload and overwhelm you
but don't worry it will find a new place soon
you can keep some
but it's only just enough to make you keep comming back
keep wanting that rush, you're not gonna get
I do not love you because you're pretty
or smart or sencitive or sweet
I love you because you are there
because you are imperfect
because you are something I can leave
I was never good with becomming one
with a body of any kind so I can leave
so I can complain, so I can pretend
like I'm anything but a nomad
I can't carry all this love
so I hand it out
but don't give it to yu
it's all still mine
to take away with me
