Misunderstood Quotes

I'm crying. Not because I stepped on a lego or broke a bone. Not because my heart was broken by "some guy." But because up until this moment, I didn't realize how much you could love someone without them knowing it. It's sad really. You can think about them all you want and no one knows it, not them or your friends, just you. You keep it to yourself because you're ashamed of how much you love them and think about them. You think that no one will understand if you tell them. They'll tell you to stop; that it's unhealthy to think about them that much. But you still wouldn't care. You love them with all your heart...and you can't get the thought of them out of your head. No one knows why, not even you...

I have no one to talk to about this at all so I'm gonna post it here to maybe calm me down.
My mom took my blades and asked me to stop but then my dad stepped in and said he’d give me them back and even buy me new ones cause he doesn't want me using anything else more dangerous. And my mom got mad and my dad was like well we can't stop you so go ahead and cut yourself to ribbons. And that’s all fine and good but then he said it’s gonna fix all your problems right, being sarcastic. He said if you want to cut yourself because I told you to take out the trash and you don't want to that doesn't change that the trash is still gonna be there but go right ahead. I got upset and said do you really think that’s why I do this, you think I'm that petty. And all he said was I don't know are you.
I do this because I need it to get through, the times that it’s the only thing that calms my mind. The times that even pretending to be my own best friend doesn't help me to calm or cheer. The times that I'm so utterly broken that I can barely see through the tears. It’s not something I do just because I'm annoyed or don't want to comply with you.
Do you not understand how many overwhelming feelings it takes to need to use a blade to cut the feelings out of your mind? How much pain it takes to need to do that to yourself to make it stop or calm down even a little.
I don't do this because I’m a petty teen that does something like that in retaliation to being annoyed.
I do this because it’s the only thing that can make my mind shut up.