I think that the worst thing is
knowing that you will never amount to anything. the feeling is
different than someone else telling you you're a failure,
because you accepting it for yourself, it's just a new
level of self-loathing. it's like an expect-the-unexpected
sort of idea, you know it's going to happen no matter how
unlikely it is. it's like getting slapped in the face out
of nowhere, maybe by that quiet kid in class, but you secretly
knew he was going to snap eventually and do it anyway. you look
at yourself in the mirror and you hate it. hate that you
can't do anything. you feel like there's no future. you
know there's no future. and you know it's
serious too, because you finally are able to admit it to
yourself, an near-impossible feat to accomplish. it's the
worst because you begin to ignore your progress, how far
you've come. all you can think about is the future,
the future that you believe doesn't exist.