Hi guys, I am Victoria and I am going to tell you my story.
I know you will hate me.
I was adopted and in school I got made fun of for it. In Kindergarden I had no friends. People thought I was a freak. In grade one two and three I made friends. They let me eat with them and play with them during break. But they would always laugh at me and make fun of me- it became a game . Who can make her cry hardest. But they were the only people I had.
In grade four I made a new group of friends. They didn't laugh at me. They excluded me , hit me and blamed me for everything . I hated myself. Things settled down with them in grade five and they only made fun of me for my weight. I started to pinch my wrist . I started self harm in grade five .
In grade six I was invited to a sleepover , the girls ran away and told their mum to tell them they weren't home. The next week I was invited to a sleep over again. It was a birthday party. I went and was having fun. We then decided to play truth or dare. The girls started daring eachother to kiss and touch eachother in sexual places. I got uncomfortable and went to sleep. The next week at school they told another girl who was there at the party but fell asleep before truth or dare that I touched her and kissed her. I didn't .
They went to the
principal and the principal called my mum. They figured out it was false but didn't say anything to the girls who made the lie. Later on that year I got made fun of even more. People
called me worthless and ugly . They told me I was a unwanted outcast because I was adopted. In grade seven I moved schools. Things were looking up untill a group of guys started calling me names. I just wanted to be accepted . So I went on chat rooms. I would do anything to be called beautiful. I sexted random guys I didn't know just to feel like I meant something . My parents went through my history on my computer and found out. They sent me to a therapist and my self harm stopped. I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. The bullying died down. Then later on it started again. They texted me cruel things and I broke down. I was told to kill myself a lot. So I went back onto the chat rooms. Guys took advantage of me on the chat rooms and in real life. It's my fault though . My parents saw what I was doing and don't trust me anymore. In grade eight I developed bulimia and anorexia. I wouldn't eat anything then make myself vomit. My self harm got very bad. I would burn hips and cut them up. I had a good group of friends but they never noticed. I met a guy and told him everything. He told me I was a freak. That I was ugly . All my life I have been the ugly freak. During my life I have attempted suicide eleven times. I may seem pretty and cool, but I'm not witty. I am a lie. I am a waste. Now here I am , two days before grade nine, with burns on my hips, scars on my wrists and a false smile on my face. My hair may look perfect, my clothing may be nice, but if you look into my eyes you will see it. You will see the pain I struggle with. I still suffer from mental illness. I still have an eating disorder and I still self harm, but this is me. I know I'm a loser, I know I'm ugly, but I think it's time you knew the real
Victoria.
I was adopted and in school I got made fun of for it. In Kindergarden I had no friends. People thought I was a freak. In grade one two and three I made friends. They let me eat with them and play with them during break. But they would always laugh at me and make fun of me- it became a game . Who can make her cry hardest. But they were the only people I had.
In grade four I made a new group of friends. They didn't laugh at me. They excluded me , hit me and blamed me for everything . I hated myself. Things settled down with them in grade five and they only made fun of me for my weight. I started to pinch my wrist . I started self harm in grade five .
In grade six I was invited to a sleepover , the girls ran away and told their mum to tell them they weren't home. The next week I was invited to a sleep over again. It was a birthday party. I went and was having fun. We then decided to play truth or dare. The girls started daring eachother to kiss and touch eachother in sexual places. I got uncomfortable and went to sleep. The next week at school they told another girl who was there at the party but fell asleep before truth or dare that I touched her and kissed her. I didn't .
They went to the
principal and the principal called my mum. They figured out it was false but didn't say anything to the girls who made the lie. Later on that year I got made fun of even more. People
called me worthless and ugly . They told me I was a unwanted outcast because I was adopted. In grade seven I moved schools. Things were looking up untill a group of guys started calling me names. I just wanted to be accepted . So I went on chat rooms. I would do anything to be called beautiful. I sexted random guys I didn't know just to feel like I meant something . My parents went through my history on my computer and found out. They sent me to a therapist and my self harm stopped. I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. The bullying died down. Then later on it started again. They texted me cruel things and I broke down. I was told to kill myself a lot. So I went back onto the chat rooms. Guys took advantage of me on the chat rooms and in real life. It's my fault though . My parents saw what I was doing and don't trust me anymore. In grade eight I developed bulimia and anorexia. I wouldn't eat anything then make myself vomit. My self harm got very bad. I would burn hips and cut them up. I had a good group of friends but they never noticed. I met a guy and told him everything. He told me I was a freak. That I was ugly . All my life I have been the ugly freak. During my life I have attempted suicide eleven times. I may seem pretty and cool, but I'm not witty. I am a lie. I am a waste. Now here I am , two days before grade nine, with burns on my hips, scars on my wrists and a false smile on my face. My hair may look perfect, my clothing may be nice, but if you look into my eyes you will see it. You will see the pain I struggle with. I still suffer from mental illness. I still have an eating disorder and I still self harm, but this is me. I know I'm a loser, I know I'm ugly, but I think it's time you knew the real
Victoria.
..those nights where you finally drop to the ground..hold your
knees the your chest..and start to hyperventilate..badly..then
the sobs become nearly silent..and the tears come..and you stay
there all night..that's what tonight is..
If self harm was for attention, we'd do it in front of your
faces. We wouldn't barricade our bedroom doors' lock the bathroom
door, cover it with long sleeves, do it places no one will think
of looking, look so ashamed when you ask to see it, be socially
aware for ourselves, be laughing one seconde then silence the
next, keep everything from you if it was for "attention". It just
so happens you found out, probably by an accident. Don't get
involved.
