Omnomnom Quotes

I will eat your baby




























































carrots if you don't like them
*At the dentist*
Dentist: You have a few kernels stuck in your teeth.
Dentist: Did you have popcorn last night?
What I say: Yea
What I mean: I haven't had popcorn in months.
What I think: Why can't I be eating popcorn right now?
 










I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Actually, it's more of a wrap.







 









Parenting is eating a dirt
covered banana your toddler serves to you and liking it to avoid a tantrum.





 


 









Whoever snuck the "s" in "fast
food" was a clever little bas/tard.





 


 









Who knew that an average US
prison meal is more nutritious than a public school one







 









My yard is full of bear traps
because I refuse to share my milkshakes.







 
When you know you can't take your eyes off the spider, because if you do, it will disappear and then like....come and eat you.







When I hear myself eating crunchy
food, I wonder if other people can hear it, too.





 


 






I need to start eating healthy,
but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it's not there to tempt me anymore.





 
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