Best Omnomnom Quotes Today










I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Actually, it's more of a wrap.







 






I need to start eating healthy,
but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it's not there to tempt me anymore.





 









Whoever snuck the "s" in "fast
food" was a clever little bas/tard.





 


 









Parenting is eating a dirt
covered banana your toddler serves to you and liking it to avoid a tantrum.





 


 









My yard is full of bear traps
because I refuse to share my milkshakes.







 









Who knew that an average US
prison meal is more nutritious than a public school one







 







When I hear myself eating crunchy
food, I wonder if other people can hear it, too.





 


 

Not to get technical,
but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution
Maybe when it's all over
and she can finally love herself 
she will see how she really was worth it 


I'd like to open an all you can eat restaurant
but just give people one serving and tell them that's all they can eat
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