Personal Quotes

format-br0kenwings LEAVE THIS HERE PLEASE.

no one's liked me in a
LonG Time. oR iF THeY Have,
they've been very silent about it.
“ WELL I HOPE THIS IS LOUD
ENOUGH FOR YOU.
 
© format coded by: br0kenwings
Please don't remove this, or make it invisible!

 
Sounds of My Childhood
Shrieks and shouts and laughter of a school playground. The buzz of conversation in a cafeteria. Splashing water and squelching mud as I played in puddles. My grandma's humming as she rocked me to sleep. Trains rattling my bedroom window every night as they passed on the nearby track. The clinks and clangs of dishes and the slamming of cabinets as my mom bustled around the kitchen. The sizzle of grease as she fried bacon. A chorus of voices singing happy birthday in harmony. The crackle and pop of logs in a fireplace during winter. The excited voice of my younger sister as she roused me from sleep every Christmas morning. Fireworks on the Fourth of July. A stereo blaring classic country songs when my dad was in a good mood. The deafening roar of a lawnmower when he cut the grass on Saturdays. The wind in my ears and the slap of my feet on wet sand. The rain pounding against the roof of my house. Soft, melodic tinkling of windchimes in a gentle breeze. The TV playing my favorite Disney and Pixar movies. The scrape of chalk against pavement. The eager flipping of pages as I read a particularly good book. The hush of a library. The contented purring of a cat. Peace and happiness.
 

 
Scents of My Childhood
Freshly cut grass. Crayon wax. Old book pages. A new classroom on the first day of school. Cherry flavored medicine. Fluoride. Bleach and Windex and incense when my mom tidied the house. Cinnamon when my dad made french toast in the mornings, and roasted pumpkin seeds at Halloween. Popcorn. Birthday cake icing. The wet earth after a rain. Gasoline when my parents stopped to fill up. Burning logs of a bonfire every New Year's Eve. Baby formula and diaper rash cream after my sister was born. Acrylic paints when she got older and channeled her inner artist. Shampoo and hydrogen peroxide. Salty ocean air. Cigarette smoke because my dad never could quit. His aftershave and cologne and leather boots and jacket. My grandma's perfume. Coffee beans because she and my grandpa always had a mug with their breakfast. Car wax and sawdust in a garage. Chlorine in a swimming pool. Flower gardens. Home, home, home.
 
(Ignore) It's been 2 years again! And I just remembered Witty Profiles :O So, I saw this, and wanted to do a follow up :D From 2012 to 2014 and now 2016. :O



LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE

First Name: Jeanine

Middle: Hilary Sky

Last name: Mckay

Gender: Female

Nationality: First Nation/Native American

Current Location: My room!

Hair Color: Brown, I shaved my whole head! :)

Righty/Lefty: LEFTY

Eye Color: Brown

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE

Your fear: Losing loved ones.

What makes you sad: Mean comments, I'm sensitive :( lol!

What makes you happy: Everything since I've changed my lifestyle @ the start of the year!

Your dream of the perfect date: Hmmm... I actually don't know what would be a perfect date lmao

What you want to be: Uhh, was thinking of a doctor, but it scares me. lmao

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW

Your thoughts first waking up: "WEIGH DAY!!!"

Your best physical feature: ... I don't know? lol!

Your bed time: Around 9 - 11 PM

Your most missed memory: No missed memory atm

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK

Pepsi or Coke: I quit soda years ago

McDonald's or Burger King: No fastfood for me

Single or Group dates: Single

Adidas or Nike: Nike

Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate

Frappuccino or Coffee: I dont drink coffee

LAYER 5: DO YOU

Smoke: No, I've tried smoking though, got sick.

Cuss: No.. Only when I get very upset, or get competitive in gaming

Take showers: Obviously

Have a crush: Hmm.. I try not to. Lol!

Like school: Yes, most of the times.

Believe what goes around comes around: I still dont get it... Karma? yes

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.

Gone to the mall: No malls where I live... :(

Been on stage: No

Eaten sushi: No, I want to try!

Been hurt: No

Dyed your hair: No, but I shaved it!

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.

Kissed someone: Yeah lol

Gotten beat up: Not that I know of

Changed who you were to fit in: Yes

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD

Age you're hoping to get married by: Hmm.. Maybe around mid 30's

Number of kids you're planning on having: 2+

LAYER 9: IN A GUY

Best eye color: Doesn't matter

Hair color: Doesnt matter

Short or long hair: both, but I mostly prefer long.

Fat or fit: Prefer fit.

Looks or personality: Both, tbh.

Funny or Serious: both

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING

1 MINUTE AGO: Typing...

1 HOUR AGO: Lazying around, It's a lazy kind of day!

1 WEEK AGO: WORKING OUT

1 YEAR AGO: Eating my life away :(

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE

I FEEL: Lazy

I HATE: Bugs

I NEED: Exercise





Just thought I'd do this again after 2 years.

what if i cut off all my hair
and people stopped staring
and you started
and i quit worrying about neck pain

what if i cut off all my hair
and my coworkers poked fun
and you didn't dare
and i shrugged it off cos i could see

what if i cut off all my hair
and my family thanked me
and you hugged me when i cried
cos i didn't want it to be a big deal 

what if i cut off all my hair
and my friends didn't recognize me
and you begged and begged
but i just grew it back

(it was a long year and i knew
you just liked that strands didn't
get caught in your mouth when
we kissed)


 

and if we get down
how should we know
if we'll get up again?



Hodyoknothayou're right,
                                                               if you're not nervous anymore?

I'm gonna rant (because my Facebook friends say stupid crap that ticks me off), so yknow, skip it if you ain't with it
(Obviously based on my own experience, but I left out a good bit to keep is some what broad)

I honestly can't stand it when someone talks about abusive relationships like it is a super easy thing to deal with. It isn't. So many people act like abusers start out smacking you around from the beginning, and that you're just an idiot for staying. I can't say it's never like that, but it's definitely not always like that. Sometimes it starts out as emotional abuse. Subtle at first, where you don't even notice it happening. Backhanded compliments that slowly chip away your self esteem, laying on the guilt over mundane things until you start to feel like the horrible one, putting you down while boosting themselves up. Then it slowly shifts to direct insults. Before you know it, you start to think you deserve that kind of treatment, that they're the best you can get. It's worse if you have people in your life that shame you into the relationship in the first place, which is common (particularly for females.) The "but he's a nice guy, don't be so shallow and rude." kind of lines, that tell women they're not good enough to reject guys they're not interested in, while telling the guys they are better than the women. Which is a whole other issue for another time. Anyway, eventually you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, and you still might not even notice it. Abuse makes for an uncomfortable conversation, so no one ever says anything, so you think it's normal. They occasionally break up the harshness with kindness, which makes you feel lucky briefly. When physical abuse does come into the picture, they play it off as a joke at first. They apologize, and even throw in some tears, and you believe it because "aw. they're crying. they obviously mean it." Everything is fine. You think it's normal to "play" wrestle your partner, even if it hurts too much and leaves bruises, and you have to beg to get them to stop... which they still might not do (but boys like to wrestle and get carried away.. and boys will be boys, right?...) You don't realize that it's not normal to have to apologize profusely over talking to someone they didn't pre-approve of. You didn't realize it isn't normal to constantly be on edge because if you didn't answer the phone or text back instantly, they would threaten to come track you down (and you don't really want to be near them, especially when angry, so you always try to answer.) Eventually, they hit you, and they don't even pretend that they were playing. It kind of knocks some sense into you, and you start to realize it isn't normal. Unfortunately, you also realize this person scares you. This person that you've never successfully gotten off of you. This person you've never been able to fight back. So, yeah, you stay. You don't know what else to do. Everyone sees the bruises, and you don't even lie about them. Every time you try to leave, they either threaten to kill themselves or you. They justify everything by saying it was your own fault. You might eventually find your voice and fight back when they verbally bully you, and it escalates to more violence. Your neck is their favorite place to go. "I'm just joking" choking turns into actual choking. Which is something a lot of people don't come back from. It's a real slap in the face to imply that victims have lost their lives all because they chose not leave, and imply that they're just stubborn because it's "easy to leave."

How I got out of my relationship: he was the kinda guy that would look for someone better while with me (caught him multiple times but he wouldn't leave me and I couldn't be the one to leave him.. fear), so I made a fake Facebook with my friend and we flirted with him over it until he dumped me and we kept it up until it I knew he wouldn't come back and beg me to get back with him (fear.) it was successful. He thought it was his idea so there was no fake crying, threats, promises, other manipulative crap. He still stalks me occasionally, tho. Which is scary.




only about three months
to go until I graduate, and if there's anything I've regretted throughout my academic career it's not taking the honors classes I was completely capable of in junior high and high school because I let a strict seventh grade English teacher and the possibility of having to step outside of my comfort zone with more oral presentations and sharing opinions than I was used to intimidate me into getting out of it and staying in regular classes. I wish I had allowed myself to utilize my abilities and reach the full extent of my potential. I wish I hadn't been so scared to try something different because I was an embarrassingly shy kid who was content with sitting down and absorbing someone else's thoughts and ideas and remaining comfortably invisible. If my kids are given such an opportunity I will make sure they take it, even if only for one school year, because nothing is worse than voluntarily settling for less than your best.


                 
don't leave me
stay here and frighten me 

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