I did it. I swallowed all the pills. I'm sorry. I'm so
sorry.
The drugs? I can't not laugh.
The cuts? I can't think.
The drink? I can't remember.
The pills? I can't feel a thing.
Don't judge what I do if you don't know the reasons behind it.
The cuts? I can't think.
The drink? I can't remember.
The pills? I can't feel a thing.
Don't judge what I do if you don't know the reasons behind it.
Goodmorning sun...
Goodmorning day...
Hello chest pain...
Hello face of strength cause I can get through this..
Goodbye tears I cried cause it hurt..
Goodbye pain cause of the pain meds..
I am not depresed, just determined not to show that it hurts..
Goodmorning day...
Hello chest pain...
Hello face of strength cause I can get through this..
Goodbye tears I cried cause it hurt..
Goodbye pain cause of the pain meds..
I am not depresed, just determined not to show that it hurts..
A
suicide note:
As the doctor gave me a bottle of white pills he said "This will fix you." and darling it did, but only when I took the whole bottle.
As the doctor gave me a bottle of white pills he said "This will fix you." and darling it did, but only when I took the whole bottle.
If you don't
understand mental illness, good. Good for you. You shouldn't
have to. If you don't
understand why some people can't get out of bed in the
morning, good. I hope you jump out of bed ever single day; ready
to take the world by storm. If you don't
understand how someone could drag a blade across their skin,
good. I hope you're never that desperate to feel
something. If you don't
understand what would drive a girl to keep starving herself
despite everything she's lost in the process, good. Stay
heavy & present & real.
If you don't
understand why he won't just go to church or rehab or find
someone who can help him, good. I hope you always have somewhere
to turn. If you don't
understand how someone can keep swallowing bottles of pills,
tying knots in ropes, or standing at the top of a bridge, good. I
hope you never feel that desperate for
relief. If you don't
understand, good. You're not supposed to. It's all
f.ucking sick. Thank God for ignorance,
it's
healthy.
sometimes we take action, sometimes we take pills
I don't take
anti-depressants or mood stablizers, I take Passion Inhibitors.
I'm an all-or-nothing kind of girl: either I get
everything or I die trying. With Passion Inhibitors,
I either get something or I try
again.
My head hurts so much it's
pounding, The fact that I'm not dead yet is astounding, I've
popped some pills too many to know, My vision is blurry it's
time to go, The cold is now surrounding.
My body is a canvas,
And I paint a tragic tale. You are not my hero, I am trapped in
Hell. A razor is my paintbrush, and every artist needs a muse.
My only inspiration is Every time I'm used. I swear I know I
need help, but I don't want to stop. They tell me it's a bad
habit, but I feel like it's not. No, it hasn't killed me yet,
so who's to say it will? It leaves me numb and bitter, So I
don't need your pills. The blood is but a setback, I think I'll
be okay. We both know you can't save me. You never tried to
anyway. Oh, it's no big secret, ask me, if you'd like. I'll
show you a scar or two, And try to take some pride. Every scar
stands for, another day that I survived. Because at least, when
I'm bleeding I'm certain I'm alive. Console me with your words,
Such pretty, perfect lies. I don't need you next to me, I'm
telling you, I'm fine. My razor is my best friend, It know
secrets I dare not speak. And you are nothing to me, Just
another face on the street. I could replace you in a second,
With someone else who wears a mask, Because we all wear them,
We cover up our pasts.
