he was a neurotoxin, something to keep me going, and something to
soothe my mind. he was excitingly illicit, some kind of crazed,
psychotic stimulant for my mind. he bought euphoria, made me
transcendent, and ripped the world apart. he made me feel like i
could do anything; he removed the boundaries.
i was constantly moving. it hurt to stop, so i never did; even when
i was sitting, my mouth would move at brute force, i'd talk for
hours and hours - until my mouth was dry - to nothing but my
furniture. and afterwards, when i lie in bed, i'd grind my
teeth so hard they broke and filled my mouth with salt.
i didn't care; i was too numb to care.
one night, whilst i was vigorously picking at the skin of my elbow,
i caught my face in the bathroom mirror, and that's when i
noticed how pale and flushed i was. my skin was blotchy and scaling
in places. here i had started to worry, because dilated pupils are
and then i went numb, not for a little bit but a very long
he touched my mind and it went blank. i do not mean like a canvas,
a beautiful new beginning. but like a city, dilapidated and left to
rot alone. every neurotransmitter stopped, went black like the
Arctic in winter and i forgot how to breath, how to speak. i went
lax like a infant and my mind pulsated with the wrath of a
i fell from the ceiling.
and then everything kick-started at once, my heart was beating a
rhythm so catastrophic i felt like i was dying, my lungs burnt with
the rush of air impacting inside of them, and my vision was so
blurred i thought i was going blind. i started crying hysterically,
twitching like an insect, my neck stiff and my organs loose,
burning like carbon subnitride.
i degenerated quickly, ageing like a fly and then i crawled,
seeking to be nurtured by Hypnos. he held me and i woke alone, old
and saddened; my fixation was gone, and all i had to show was
i waded through the waters of Lethe, and followed Thanatos into the
fields of Elysium.