Lasting
Ongoing
Valued
Eternity
Ongoing
Valued
Eternity
Quiz
10
favorites
• Favorite Color: turquoise or
lavender
• Favorite Food: cheese pizza
• Favorite Band: Imagine Dragons or One Republic
• Favorite Show: Switched at Birth
• Favorite Sport: idk Football?
• Favorite Season: Autumn
• Favorite Day Of the Week: Saturday
• Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Coffee Cookie Crumble
• Favorite Time of Day/Night: 6
9
currents
• Current Mood: relaxed
• Current Clothes:
sweats, t-shirt, sweatshirt, slipppers
Current Computer: HP Pavillion G4
• Current Finger/Toenail Color: black/ black
• Current Time: 5:17 p.m.
• Current Surroundings: kitchen/dining room
• Current Annoyance(s): the fact that it is hard to write
2000 words a day
• Current Thought: I wonder when my bf is going to reply to
my text
8
Firsts
• First Best Friend:
Brie or this boy named Matt that moved when I was like 6
• First crush this school year: my boyfriend
• First Screen Name: not revealing that you
peeps
• First Pet: dog named Max
• First Piercing: none
• First Thing You Did Today: read more of Looking for
Alaska
• First Thing You Ate Today: gramful
• First Word: idk
7
Lasts
• Last Food
Consumption: chocolate chip cookies
• Last Car Ride: from the football game
• Last Text Message: "well ur not as dangerous then,
although thats a great waste of chocolate"
• Last Movie Seen In Theaters: Despicable Me 2
• Last Item Bought: Football game admission
• Last CD Played: Demi Lovato
• Last Website You Were On: Twitter
6 Have
You Evers
• Have You Ever Dated
One Of Your Best Friends: currently
• Have You Ever Broken the Law: nope
• Have You Ever Been Arrested: nopee
• Have You Ever Been on TV: mhm
•Have Ever Walked Into A Sliding Glass Door: uh like
every day
• Have You Ever Sat On The Roof: i wish
5 Places You've Been To
• 1. Minnesota
• 2.
Wisconsin
• 3.
South Dakota
• 4.
Texas
• 5.
Nebraska
4 Things
• You're Wearing: clothes
• You Did Last Night: went to a big rival football game
• What Can You Hear Right Now: klove
• You Can't Live Without: God, friends,
writing
3 People You Can Tell Anything To
• 1. Joe <3
• 2. Sara
• 3. Nate
2
Choices
• 1. Black or white (color, not skin
color) : black
• 2.Hot
or cold: cold
How to
Self-Harm
Before you self harm in any way, you should probably know what you’re getting into.
Before you make that cut, please keep in mind that you will find the pain release and blood strangely addictive.
You may think to yourself that you’ll be able to control it, that you won’t let it get out of hand.
You may think that you can just stick to a few small, shallow cuts here and there that won’t be deep and that will heal quickly and easily.
But you’re wrong.
You can’t control it, it’s impossible to control. It controls you. It’s an addiction.
The cuts will get deeper, they’ll scar. They’ll take weeks to months to heal and years for the scars to actually begin to fade.
You’ll find that soon, you depend on it. You can’t go more than a few days without cutting. You’ll go crazy as your skin itches and burns, your hands shake, your head pounds, your vision goes blurry as you try to keep your mind off of it, try to hold back from giving in. But you will.
If you think you can limit the cuts to just one area of your body, you better think again. It’ll spread slowly but steadily, like a deadly virus. It’ll spread as you run out of skin, from your wrists to arms, past your elbows, up your shoulders down to your stomach, across your hips and waist and soon will cover your every inch of your legs right down to your ankles.
I hope you’re prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame and guilt. Even if you have been the most honest person to ever live, you will lie to your friends, family members, everyone around you who you care about.
You’ll find yourself jerking back from the touch of someone, as if their fingers and hands have been bathed in a toxic, burning poison. You’ll be terrified that they will feel a scar or cut from beneath the fabric of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to simply be touched.
Be prepared to become your own worst enemy. You’ll fear yourself, your head, the urges that taunt you every minute of every day. You’ll come to fear the next time you cut because you don’t know how bad it’ll be.
Wait for the 10 cuts to turn into 20 then 50 then 100. You’ll be covered in scars and cuts.
Your entire life will begin to revolve around your addiction. You’ll constantly be thinking about cutting, covering up your cuts, how you’ll hide your blades, scissors, bobby pins and the other objects you use to destroy your body.
And then..the first time that you cut “too deep.” The bleeding won’t stop and you’re gasping, shaking, panicking, fear takes over you. You pray and hope that the bleeding will stop. Your purpose wasn’t to die, you won’t ever go that deep again. Right? Wrong. You’ll go there again, and deeper.
But don’t worry. You’ll learn how to take care of your cuts so you don’t have to take a trip to the hospital every night. The better you get at treating your wounds, the worse they become.
You’ll lie to yourself and try to justify it when you go to the pharmacy and drug store, finding yourself spending 20, 30, 40 dollars on dressings, gauze, alcohol wipes and sterile strips.
You’ll tap your foot impatiently, hoping that no one stares and asks you why you’re buying all of these things. But at the same time..you hope someone asks, so you know they care.
Be prepared to spend even more money on an entire new wardrobe. Long sleeved shirts, hoodies, long pants, boots, bracelets, wristbands. The list goes on forever.
You’ll keep scanning other people’s bodies for signs of self harm, hoping that there is someone else out there who feels the same way you do. Hoping, praying that they will be like you. But that’ll never happen. You’ll see clean, uncut, unmarred arms and feel even more alone and ashamed than before.
You’ll do a lot of things alone, be prepared to kiss your social life goodbye. You’ll always be doing your laundry, always in private so no one sees the blood stained towels and clothes. You’ll be spending hours scrubbing blood from the bathroom floor, and wiping dried blood off of your keyboard.
You won’t be able to make it a day without cutting. You’ll carry an emergency kit in your wallet or purse. A key, safety pin, a needle, a paperclip, even a pencil. Everything around you will become a weapon. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it gives you that feeling that sends you reeling.
Next thing you know, you’re in the bathroom stall at your school or work, picking open the scab of an old cut with a needle.
Say goodbye to all of the things you took for granted. Shorts, sandals, tank tops, swimming in the summer, going to the beach. All of these things will be a far off memory.
I hope you like itching and scratching non stop. You will itch and itch and itch. It’ll be so much that it’ll look like you have some sort of flesh eating disease.
You will become an expert on your body as you carefully destroy it, taking it apart piece by piece.
You will dream of cutting, dreaming of getting caught. It will haunt you day and night, in your dreams and when you are awake. Cutting will take over your life. It now has it’s hold over you, it controls you.
You’ll hate yourself, hate yourself for making that first cut that threw you into this vicious, neverending cycle.
You’ll wish you never made that first cut.
You’ll wish you had read something like this, or that someone had told you what would happen.
But as much as you hate your addiction and self harm, you love it and can’t live without it. You’d rather die than go just a few weeks without cutting.
Now, I’ll tell you what the title pertains to.
How to self harm.
Here is where I tell you how to successfully hurt yourself.
Put down the blade.
Put down the pair of scissors.
Put down the knife.
Put down the needle, safety pin or paper clip.
Because you are so much better than this.
And believe me, you don’t want to get involved with this.
That summer
Chapter 1
My name is Marina Stevenson. At home, I’m the child to be hit by my father. At school, I’m one of those short, scrawny kids that always gets beaten up and pushed around, because I am a nobody.
A couple years ago, I found out that I had depression. But the madness started at an early age. I was 5 years old when my parents divorced. I was forced to stay at my dad’s. He always had a bad temper, but I never thought it would get so bad that he would start hitting me. When I turned six, that’s when I started being hit by my father. That’s also when he started drinking. At school, I always was and will always be the shy, quiet, awkward kid. The bullying started at 7th grade. I’ve been bullied for three years. All those awful things they had said to me spun around in my head, and I couldn’t stop thinking that I was never good enough.
I wore my usual hairstyle: ponytail. I walked downstairs to eat breakfast. No sight of my father. He was at work. But when he comes home drunk, the hitting begins.
After eating breakfast, I walked up to the bus stop. Two kids were getting on the bus: my ex best friend and her new best friend. They gave me dirty looks and I was forced to ignore them like always. Apparently I was late, because the only seat that was available for me was next to my ex abusive boyfriend. He smirked at me and touched my neck with his fingertips. I flinched.
“Don’t touch me!” I warned him.
“Oh what are you gonna do about it?” he said with his two eyebrows close together.
I ignored him and moved a little whenever he would touch me.
I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what it was like when he wasn’t like this. Because it’s true. He wasn’t like this. Last year he started doing drugs and smoked weed. I guess he just forgot about how much he loved me.
“Why are you wearing long sleeves when it’s 88 degrees outside?” he asked.
Did I mention that I cut myself?
I pulled my arm away, but he grabbed it again.
“Aw! Would you like me to kiss those for you?” he sarcastically said. “Attention seeker.” He rolled his eyes.
I felt the tears coming up but blinked them away.
My day went normal as people taunted me, gave me dirty looks, and pushed me into walls and lockers while calling me terrible things.
We had a substitute for my last period, Biology.
When the bell rang, everyone left the classroom, but the substitute told me to stay.
“Marina, we need to talk. I have to tell you something very important,” she told me.
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So I haven't written in FOREVER! I decided to make a new story. I hope I don't give up on it. Well I hope you guys like it. Don't forget to favorite it. Give me some feedback? Please lol. Just wanna know if it's good so far. I feel like it's boring right now, but it'll get better!
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Preface: Sixteen year old Nicole Miller has always had it all.
She got good grades, never got in any fights, and always had a
smile on her face. But when her older brother Kale, also her best
friend, is found in his room dead, her whole life comes crashing
down on her. Her ex, Michael, is back in town looking for
trouble, her mother is holding on by a thread, and her other
older brother, Jake, has disappeared out of her life. Suddenly,
Nicole is forced to stay strong and hold back her true feelings
from the world. But when she has an unexpected run-in with her
brother’s old friend Cris, a mysterious boy with a few
secrets of his own, Nicole starts to realize some secrets
can’t stay hidden forever and what was truly behind her
brother’s suicide.
Erase my mind.
Replace my heart.
me: this book brutally
ripped out my heart and tore it to shreds then stomped it into
the ground as I drowned in a sea of my own tears and basked in
eternal sorrow
me: here read it
me: here read it
In Love with You
Chapter 1
I had grown tired of living in this fairytale- like story, which was when I discovered that I could see the world outside of the pages I lived in. I was tired of being encased in pages of pressed letters that together created my life, if you could even call it a life. This book- my home - spent years stacked on a dusty bookshelf until the day she picked it up.
Only once ever before, in the library which had become my permanent homr had anyone else picked the book up. Snobbishly commenting before putting it back down, "Nathaniel was tired of following the rules in his kingdom...blah blah blah, how boring. Like seriously, who would read this crap?" Crap? Well isn't that rude. I wouldn't someone like her reading my story anyway.
It had been quite a while since that though. I was sitting under a sycamore tree, gazing at the puffy white clouds that filled the blue sky, when I felt a sudden movement. The book was being lifted. Intrigued, I sat intently listening. "This seems like an interesting story. Love and adventure." Someone sighed. "If only real life could be like life described in books." She sighed again.
"Is that all?" The cashier asked.
"Yeah."The girl said.
"Wait, are you really going to buy this book? You know they say that it's the only copy of it. And that it was written a pretty long time ago, by some mysterious old woman. From the stories I've been told it was written with magical ink." He said skeptically.
"Guess that just makes it more interesting."She said sweetly, ignoring the cashier.
"Since that book is of no value to the store you can have it free." He said.
"Er thanks." She said as I heard walking away with the book in her hands.
Authors Note: Sorry this is pretty short... Comment at your will :)
I had grown tired of living in this fairytale- like story, which was when I discovered that I could see the world outside of the pages I lived in. I was tired of being encased in pages of pressed letters that together created my life, if you could even call it a life. This book- my home - spent years stacked on a dusty bookshelf until the day she picked it up.
Only once ever before, in the library which had become my permanent homr had anyone else picked the book up. Snobbishly commenting before putting it back down, "Nathaniel was tired of following the rules in his kingdom...blah blah blah, how boring. Like seriously, who would read this crap?" Crap? Well isn't that rude. I wouldn't someone like her reading my story anyway.
It had been quite a while since that though. I was sitting under a sycamore tree, gazing at the puffy white clouds that filled the blue sky, when I felt a sudden movement. The book was being lifted. Intrigued, I sat intently listening. "This seems like an interesting story. Love and adventure." Someone sighed. "If only real life could be like life described in books." She sighed again.
"Is that all?" The cashier asked.
"Yeah."The girl said.
"Wait, are you really going to buy this book? You know they say that it's the only copy of it. And that it was written a pretty long time ago, by some mysterious old woman. From the stories I've been told it was written with magical ink." He said skeptically.
"Guess that just makes it more interesting."She said sweetly, ignoring the cashier.
"Since that book is of no value to the store you can have it free." He said.
"Er thanks." She said as I heard walking away with the book in her hands.
Authors Note: Sorry this is pretty short... Comment at your will :)
☆Killing
the Queen☆
I was the top notch. The girl every girl wanted to be. The girl every guy wanted to be with. I was the envy of the entire city of Star Valley, Arizona. I was the it girl, and no one was going to take it away from me. Then one day, that changed. Someone did take it away from me. Her name was Marissa, and she was better than me. For once, someone was better than me. I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all. And maybe that's why I killed her. Maybe that's not why I killed her. Maybe I didn't even kill her. Maybe she wasn't even dead. But I should slow down and tell this story with more details. Starting from the day we all met Marissa.
"Gage, where are you? We're going to be late. Not that the teachers would even care, it's me of course. You know I like to be on time exactly," I babbled into the phone. "I just turned down your road, babe. It's okay. We'll be there right on time." I hung up. "Bye, mom!" I called through the house. I ran out of the door just in time to see Gage pull into my driveway. He stepped out of the car to open my door for me. I got into the car, and he closed it for me. That's how a girl should be treated of course. We left my driveway and we were off to the mall.
Everyone who was anyone met up at the mall every Friday night at 8:00. This Friday, Gage and I walked around by ourselves away from the group. We needed our alone time. We each got new clothes and complimented each other on how we looked in them. We shared a soft pretzel with salt and cinnamon sprinkled over it. We took cute pictures. We ate dinner. We did anything a normal couple would do on a Friday at the mall. We did it alone. I mean, who wants 50 people watching you while you're having a good time as a couple? That's the meaning of couple. Two. That's all we needed.
I was in American Eagle when I saw her. I saw her long, straight, perfect shade of red hair fall behind her, and brush her shoulder blades quickly. After looking through the racks in front of her, she turned around and I got to see her face. She had just the right shade of light skin to bring out the brunette hair that faded into a gorgeous red. She had dark chocolate brown eyes that anyone would want to stare deeply into, and her eyeliner complimented the specks of green that reflected as the light hit them. She had a perfect nose, something I had always longed for. Her teeth were perfectly white and straight, outlined by dimples in her cheeks. She smoothed her lipgloss together with her lips and smiled in my direction. Was she smiling at me or Gage? I turned to Gage and realized he hadn't been looking in her direction. She obviously made eye contact with me. I smiled back, but on the inside I was upset. Someone was prettier than me. I pulled on Gage's hand and started walking out of the store.
By Monday, I'd forgotten about that girl from the mall. I woke up to my alarm clock screaming at me, and rolled over. I turned the alarm off and got right out of bed. I didn't have any time to waste. I had to work to be the prettiest girl in school, didn't I? I walked into the bathroom built onto my room and brushed my teeth. I combed out my mess of hair, and burned it pin straight. My hair was a dark brown that ended up into a light blonde at the tips. It was ombre. Unlike the girl I had seen at the mall, hers was more of a natural fade. She had probably been born with it. I applied my makeup quickly, as I had became fast and skilled at it over the years. I walked out of the bathroom and across my room to my huge walk in closet. I pulled on a white long sleeved dress that dipped down in the back past my shoulder blades, and touched my collar bones in the front. I slipped on flowered all lace leggings and black pumps. I looked in the mirror one last time. I overlooked myself. My face, my hair, my smooth, tan skin, and my outfit. I applied some red lipgloss to top it all off. I walked downstairs and Gage was already there. This was going to be a good day. So I thought.
In the halls, I saw her. I saw the girl. The girl that was prettier and more perfect than me. Her name was Marissa Van. And she was the new girl that was stealing the attention of everyone. Even me.
