I have so many friends. So many best friends too. When I was
younger, I would have been so happy. I was so lonely. But even with
all these people around me...I'm still lonely. And not in the
poetic "I'm so lonesome" sort of way. In the "I
hate feeling like I have no one to talk to when I'm surrounded
by people" sort of way. The type of lonely, where everyone has
known you for so long. They have these expectations. I can't
let them see these sides of me. It's stupid of me to withhold
their standards. But it's hard to hear the "you've
changed" monologue. Because I haven't. I've just never
trusted this aspect of myself over to them. And it's not some
rare Jewel that everyone's dying to see, it's just messy.
Having your own internal issues isn't something I want to
share, but I know I need to. So I'll make new friends. I pray
they can see through me.