Story Quotes

i'm not sure what i'll do
i might regret it
but i'm growing old.
i can't dread the days i'm supposed to enjoy.
time with family is supposed to be
something i look forward to

i can't keep dreading the days
i'm supposed to enjoy.

I created this account when I was 13. I used it until I was 15. It was an outlet for me that I really needed through middle school to beginning highschool. 
After a sleepless night of thinking about my past, I remembered this website. Surprisingly enough, I still knew my login. I wanted to post something for younger me...here's an update to young Lexie:

You are now 25.
You have had many first kisses. 
Music has always been and still is your favorite thing. 
One Direction broke up years ago. 
You have several tatoos now.
You've seen My Chemical Romance in concert.
You made it to New York City.
                   




            Papa is only human.
               he has been many things.
               my umberella, my cheerleader,
               my anger, my embarassment, my regret, 
               my first best friend  and my favourite.
                  but above all else
                            he is only human.
 
my anxious black dog

i think it will always be like this.
this tight, lurking, dreary, unsettling feeling.
this all encompassing, yet discrete, gnawing feeling.
this thing that is always with me.

i think it will just always be like this.
*sigh*
"what are you working towards,
what's your end goal?
saving up for a house or car?
marriage or for your family?"

it caught me off guard.

you asked questions i didn't have the answers to yet.
you asked questions that left me feeling stunned and teary eyed when you left.
what am i doing this all for.
why exactly am i trying so hard.
those thoughts took turns taking laps in my head ever since you asked.
Some days I can’t stomach the thought of living without you. It makes me so sick. I’m having one of those days. I keep looking at my phone hoping you’ll call me to ask me how my days going. I keep checking FB to see if maybe I’ll see something you posted. Keep going through your photos, reminiscing because sometimes it’s the closest thing to keeping you here with me. Go through memories like it was yesterday. It’s not the real thing. It don’t even come close. I wish you were here. I miss you so much. I wish I could just talk to you. Maybe you could make sense of what’s going on around me. I’m hoping you’ll greet me in the next life. I just want to see you smile again. Life ain’t ever been the same since you walked through that door. I just wish I got to say goodbye.
Some days I can’t stomach the thought of living without you. It makes me so sick. I’m having one of those days. I keep looking at my phone hoping you’ll call me to ask me how my days going. I keep checking FB to see if maybe I’ll see something you posted. Keep going through your photos, reminiscing because sometimes it’s the closest thing to keeping you here with me. Go through memories like it was yesterday. It’s not the real thing. It don’t even come close. I wish you were here. I miss you so much. I wish I could just talk to you. Maybe you could make sense of what’s going on around me. I’m hoping you’ll greet me in the next life. I just want to see you smile again. Life ain’t ever been the same since you walked through that door. I just wish I got to say goodbye.
Dear Megha,I cannot stop thinking about the good times we used to have together. For so long, simply being in your company brought a smile to my face. Since we’ve broken up, I have spent far too much of my time consumed by memories of us. I am continuously recounting all of the wonderful memories we’ve shared, and as the days pass by, I have realized more and more that I can’t see a future for myself without you.I am so disappointed that we grew apart and ultimately aren’t together anymore. My heart cannot bear the thought of not being with you, and I deeply wish to give us another chance. I’d like to talk to you again, when you have the time. Please reach out to me.SincerelyVishal
"i never knew what game you were playing, but i always had to keep score. sometimes you were sensitive and critical. after the storm, the calm would come. in the form of reassurance and splendid gifts of adoration. a fight meant a cuddle later. my tears falling signposted to remorse and your apologies. there was this pattern with you. bitter then sweet. cold then hot. always keeping me on my toes, until i decided to stop."
Writing a new story  
it still has you in it 
i miss you.
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