Mom: Why is everything on the floor?!
Me: Gravity, mom.
I have this weird self-esteem
issue where I hate myself, but I still think I'm better than everyone else.
That awkward moment
when you're
doing your homework and suddenly your pencil turns into a
computer mouse and you've already reblogged 10 photos from
Tumblr and liked your best friends cover photo on Facebook and
updated your status on Twitter and before you know it half and
hour has gone by and you still need to complete your
homework..
I still don't know where my pencil is though.
I still don't know where my pencil is though.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
I want to hit you with my
car
Throw you off a tree so high
Hope you snap your neck and
die
♥
In
1000
years, archeologists
will dig up tanning beds and think
we fried people as punishment.
okay so today I was
at the mall and this girl walking in front of me and tripped and
fell and instead of helping her up like a normal person would- I
decided to make her feel less embarrassed and fall down too
but I guess another guy had the same idea because we fell at the same time
and then another person fell
and another
and suddenly I was lying in the middle of an impromptu fainting mob and a lot of people were shouting
and the girl who’d originally fallen looked so f/cking happy
but I guess another guy had the same idea because we fell at the same time
and then another person fell
and another
and suddenly I was lying in the middle of an impromptu fainting mob and a lot of people were shouting
and the girl who’d originally fallen looked so f/cking happy
This
boy at Target asked if I would hold his hand because his ex
girlfriend just walked in with a new
guy, so naturally I felt bad and held his hand while strolling
around Target for a bit. Then it donned on me, with no
other couple in sight, that was
the best damn pick up line ever
pulled
THIS ONE IS FOR YOU MUSIC
NERDS LIKE US
*My sister and I trying to teach a boy to play piano*
Boy: Did you ever take piano lessons?
Sister: No, Im a natural I guess.
Me: Well, aren't you sharp?
Sister: Take notes then.
Me: Now, lets not cause any treble.
Sister:
Me: Score!
Sister: Give it a rest.
Me: Are we going to be doing this the whole time?
Sister: I could go on for forte days.
Me: That would B major.
Sister: I swear, you are beat in' me up over this.
Me: Im sorry, I didn't mean to. It was accidental.
Sister: You have some major problems.
Me: I don't like your tone.
Boy: Come on guys, compose your thoughts carefully.
Sister: Yeah, lets stick to the coda conduct.
Me: Okay, this is getting ritarded.
Sister: Yeah, I can't think of anymore clefer things to say.
Me: This is alto much for me.
Sister: This is really becoming unbarible.
Me: Good thing you are A minor. Your jokes are so bad, you could have got double time.
Boy: What is going on? Why are you guys laughing so much?
Sister: Well, bassically- *starts laughing*
Me: Okay, lets just get bach to the music. Its too much for her to handel.
Yes, we had an entire conversation in music puns. If you don't know much about music and band, this probably makes no sense.
*My sister and I trying to teach a boy to play piano*
Boy: Did you ever take piano lessons?
Sister: No, Im a natural I guess.
Me: Well, aren't you sharp?
Sister: Take notes then.
Me: Now, lets not cause any treble.
Sister:
Me: Score!
Sister: Give it a rest.
Me: Are we going to be doing this the whole time?
Sister: I could go on for forte days.
Me: That would B major.
Sister: I swear, you are beat in' me up over this.
Me: Im sorry, I didn't mean to. It was accidental.
Sister: You have some major problems.
Me: I don't like your tone.
Boy: Come on guys, compose your thoughts carefully.
Sister: Yeah, lets stick to the coda conduct.
Me: Okay, this is getting ritarded.
Sister: Yeah, I can't think of anymore clefer things to say.
Me: This is alto much for me.
Sister: This is really becoming unbarible.
Me: Good thing you are A minor. Your jokes are so bad, you could have got double time.
Boy: What is going on? Why are you guys laughing so much?
Sister: Well, bassically- *starts laughing*
Me: Okay, lets just get bach to the music. Its too much for her to handel.
Yes, we had an entire conversation in music puns. If you don't know much about music and band, this probably makes no sense.
Kid: Sir, why do we take English?
Teacher: It's required.
Kid: I mean like why is it called English class?
Teacher: We speak English.
Kid: No, we don't. We speak American.
Teacher:
Class:
Kid: I mean people in England speak English. We speak American. We don't use the words they do, adn they don't use the words we do. Therefore we don't really speak English, we just use some of their words.
Teacher:
Class:
Kid:
Me: Whoa, man. That was deep. I think I just teared up a bit.
Kid: -.-
We decided that he was actually kind of right though..
Teacher: It's required.
Kid: I mean like why is it called English class?
Teacher: We speak English.
Kid: No, we don't. We speak American.
Teacher:
Class:
Kid: I mean people in England speak English. We speak American. We don't use the words they do, adn they don't use the words we do. Therefore we don't really speak English, we just use some of their words.
Teacher:
Class:
Kid:
Me: Whoa, man. That was deep. I think I just teared up a bit.
Kid: -.-
We decided that he was actually kind of right though..
