You say I over react, well sorry for caring!
"The
thing I'm most afraid of is me.
Of not
knowing what I'm going to do.
Of
not knowing what I'm doing(right now)"
Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
As popular as you were, I
never noticed that when I looked at you.
I never saw your face clearly. My eyes never lingered on your strong muscles,
Because I always saw you as an arrogant d*ck.
You were mean to my friends. I hated you, but you scared the sh*t out of me.
I don't know...Something about the light brown eyes, the curved eyebrows, the angled chin.
And then, one day last year....
I don't know what happened.
I was having problems in computers class,
And when I asked for help you came over.
I recognized that spark of kindness,
Though at that time I was heartbroken over another guy.
I should have known. Our story was pretty predictable, even then.
Then one week in October, we were assigned seats next to each other.
We laughed at the same stuff.
We got along well.
You were a right little gentleman.
From then on, I started noticing you.
And I realized you were so much more than what people said.
You were funny, smart, mature and responsible and gentle and loving....
When you wanted to be anyway. You were still being mean.
You caught me glancing in your direction much more often than I should have.
I doubted myself. Maybe I should give up. He was an *sshole anyway.
But part of me, however small, however foolish, thought...that maybe, just maybe...I could heal him.
I never really gave up. I kept coming back, getting up.
And then...by some miracle, I thought you were noticing me too.
I caught you looking back at me.
And then that day in PE, you accidentally whacked that ball at the side of my head.
You were apologizing. Over and over.
It didn't really hurt. I was fine, and I told you that, but you still looked guilty.
I wondered...but surely you would do it for anyone else.
The glances have gotten more frequent.
Do you love me the way I love you?
Suddenly, I feel doubtful.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you really aren't the one. Maybe I'll just be another girl to you, another piece of your past.
The year is ending. Will you make a move? I'm too much of a chicken to try.
And if we became us, would that really be a good decision?
Do you really want me in your life?
I never saw your face clearly. My eyes never lingered on your strong muscles,
Because I always saw you as an arrogant d*ck.
You were mean to my friends. I hated you, but you scared the sh*t out of me.
I don't know...Something about the light brown eyes, the curved eyebrows, the angled chin.
And then, one day last year....
I don't know what happened.
I was having problems in computers class,
And when I asked for help you came over.
I recognized that spark of kindness,
Though at that time I was heartbroken over another guy.
I should have known. Our story was pretty predictable, even then.
Then one week in October, we were assigned seats next to each other.
We laughed at the same stuff.
We got along well.
You were a right little gentleman.
From then on, I started noticing you.
And I realized you were so much more than what people said.
You were funny, smart, mature and responsible and gentle and loving....
When you wanted to be anyway. You were still being mean.
You caught me glancing in your direction much more often than I should have.
I doubted myself. Maybe I should give up. He was an *sshole anyway.
But part of me, however small, however foolish, thought...that maybe, just maybe...I could heal him.
I never really gave up. I kept coming back, getting up.
And then...by some miracle, I thought you were noticing me too.
I caught you looking back at me.
And then that day in PE, you accidentally whacked that ball at the side of my head.
You were apologizing. Over and over.
It didn't really hurt. I was fine, and I told you that, but you still looked guilty.
I wondered...but surely you would do it for anyone else.
The glances have gotten more frequent.
Do you love me the way I love you?
Suddenly, I feel doubtful.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you really aren't the one. Maybe I'll just be another girl to you, another piece of your past.
The year is ending. Will you make a move? I'm too much of a chicken to try.
And if we became us, would that really be a good decision?
Do you really want me in your life?
Nothing consumes me
As everything leaves
In a dream like state
I watch life pass by
Taking part when called
But never volunteer
Surreal emptiness surrounds
Like a personal bubble
No one else ever enters
Laughs and smiles gone
Tears and anger too
Like a soul left on earth
I watch
As everything leaves
In a dream like state
I watch life pass by
Taking part when called
But never volunteer
Surreal emptiness surrounds
Like a personal bubble
No one else ever enters
Laughs and smiles gone
Tears and anger too
Like a soul left on earth
I watch
the end is near
and still i feel
uncertain about certain things
uncertain about certain things
