Vent Quotes





 It's pathetic that i just drop everything for you, but it's never returned.
 






 I have never felt more alone.
 






 The worst part is, I have split so badly that nothing matters anymore. I feel nothing, I can't attach to anyone and nothing feels real. Not even my closest friend.
 






 Having a favorite person is a literal death sentence.
 






 What you don't realize is just how badly I've split. I've never felt more alone and isolated from all those I hold dear whilst they move on through life without me just fine.
 






 I can literally feel myself splitting and pushing people away.
 






 And just when I thought I could catch my breath, life was there to rip it from my lungs before it could even form.

Alike the words I wished I could scream out and ask for help, they were all hitched in my throat.

It will never truly be over and I will never be free of this pain, it's a never ending cycle.

 


Well here we go again. Playing games with some friends, and I get singled out for being the reason "the team dynamic isn't working". That's after I got yelled at for playing characters differently than others or not the way they want me to. Then talking crap about the character I'm using because they don't want to "hurt my feelings" by telling me I suck to my face.

I immediately mute my mic and burst into tears. Then I pick myself up after completely falling apart and say, "That was my last one guys, goodnight."

Then I immediately break down, again.
I hate holidays. I hate spending time with toxic people just because they’re “family”. I’m cancelling holidays from now on.


While sitting here trying to figure out my purpose in a world that seems to loath my existence. I've had the epiphany that I think my purpose is to care for those who cannot care for themselves. And if you can't care for yourself, then you can't care for others which means I'll strike out each and every time. It'll never matter what I do for them or how much I care for them. They will never be able to love me the way I love them. They'll never be able to care for me the way I care for them. My purpose is to make others feel like they have worth. All the while, I am chronically lonely without ever truly being alone. I don't want to do it anymore. Maybe that's selfish for not wanting to make others feel worthy of something, or feel loved without having it reciprocated back. I don't think I was ever meant to be happy. When is someone going to come along and make me feel worthy and loved? Where is that someone who won't just love me for the first few years and stop trying once they have me? Where is my person who drops everything for me because they want to see me happy, not because my sadness makes them feel guilty?

I don't think that person exists. It doesn't have to be a significant other, but what about even just a friend? A friend that doesn't make me feel like a burden when I talk to them? A friend that texts first? A friend that keeps my secrets and doesn't judge me for anything? A friend that puts me ahead of other friends like I would for them?
Who am I kidding?


 

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