Best Weak Quotes This Year

I have two moods:
1- Sleeping is for the weak
2- Sleeping for a week
my mom told my dad
"stop you're spilling pringle crumbs on the floor" and my dad looked her dead in the eye and emptied the can of pringles on the floor. i think my dad's becoming a rebellious teenager. 

when youre wearin a cute outfit in winter and someone is like “aren’t you COLD” excuse me you are weak and your crops will never last the winter with that attitude
how do people do backflips and shllit
like i can’t even flip my grilled cheese without fullcking up.
"big boobs don’t count if you’re fat"
 
yeah well bIG DICKS DONT COUNT IF YOU ARE ONE
Everyone: If you keep listening to your music so loudly you'll be deaf by
the time you're 20
Me: What
a girl asked me how i got good at drawing
so i answered that i sacrificed virgins for the dark lord satan and she looked kinda terrified
 
i forgot u can’t really make this kind of joke outside of the internet
Accordion to a recent survey,
replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
Do u ever go onto youtube thinking you'll be watching a quick music video
and then 5 hours later you're watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
I want a boyfriends who will take me to concerts.
or just a boyfriend.
or just concert tickets.
or concert tickets to see my boyfriend.
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