Wit Quotes

If they’d had Google Maps in Milton’s era, I bet paradise would never have gotten lost.
Every war is a guano war.

When all is said and done, at least we won’t have to hear this cliché anymore.

I looked up the definition of 'denouement.'

Talk about a denouement.

The true story is not based on a true story.
'Underwire' means redundant surveillance where I come from.
My wife told me I needed to start being realistic. 

I thought I was pretty life-like for a hologram.


we were at the airport one time the guy at check-in reminded us

that we weren’t allowed to carry


objects with us onto the plane and i said “oh damn looks

like i’ll have to leave behind my wit” and thats how

i made a middle-aged guy laugh so hard he had to get his

colleague to take over his check-in desk

Dan: I know what you think of me, you think I'm a boring, sheltered nobody

Chuck: I don't think of you

marry your best friend. i do not say that lightly. really. truly find the strongest, happiest, friendship in the person you fall in love with. someone who speaks highly of you. someone you can laugh with, the kind of laughs that make youre belly ache, and your nose snort. the embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. wit is important. life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love and madness combine and course through you. a love that will never dilute -- even when that waters get deep and dark. 
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