Best Wit Quotes Today

"Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you're all gonna die and then you're gonna be dead for way longer than you're alive. Like that's mostly what you're ever gonna be. You're just dead people that didn't die yet." — comedian Louis C.K.
“Words may show a man's wit, but actions his meaning.”
I'll take a girl with a sharp wit. Wits never sag.
The gayest I've ever acted:

 

Whenever you ask a guy or girl out you always get a yes and I always get a no.  

 

HOW DO YOU GET A YES? IS IT YOUR HAIR? YOUR BODY? YOUR WIT?

 

And I'm fabiulous :D




When my mom says she'll be ready in 5 minutes,
I know I have just enough time to fly to space and finish 
building my Death Star before we go. 




Every girl's dream is to
have a guy call her at 3am 
just to say ' hey baby,i just wanted to tell you
i love you'

WAKE ME UP AT 
3AM AND


I WILL KILL YOU.
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks,
"Has the bus come yet?"
If the bus came would I be standing here?

marry your best friend. i do not say that lightly. really. truly find the strongest, happiest, friendship in the person you fall in love with. someone who speaks highly of you. someone you can laugh with, the kind of laughs that make youre belly ache, and your nose snort. the embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. wit is important. life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love and madness combine and course through you. a love that will never dilute -- even when that waters get deep and dark. 
 





 when

we were at the airport one time the guy at check-in reminded us

that we weren’t allowed to carry

sharp


objects with us onto the plane and i said “oh damn looks

like i’ll have to leave behind my wit” and thats how

i made a middle-aged guy laugh so hard he had to get his

colleague to take over his check-in desk


When the beating of your Heart.
echoes the beating of the drums.

There is a life about to start when tommorow comes...
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