Best Wow Quotes This Year

Normal people with their crush
Them: Okay, I've liked him for about a month now, it's time I tell him!
Me: Day 76,435 and I still am watching from this bush. Soon, I will approach him. Soon. 

"Don't worry, there's plenty of fish in the sea!"
So wait, are you suggesting that I am such a boy repellent that the only species I have a chance with is fish?? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING

Apparently, jokingly spreading your legs when the dentist says 'open wide' is frowned upon in this establishment.


I get bloody noses a lot and I can usually feel it
about 30 seconds before it starts dripping. Today
in class my nose started to bleed. But right before,
I turned to this very religious boy who sits next to
me and whispered “Hail satan” as my nose started
to drip. He freaked out and fell back and hit his head.
He had to go home for the rest of the day.

*Seductively lays on a table* Hey bab-
*Table breaks*


When I see you,
I hold my breath.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I need to breathe.
When I see you, I can’t stop staring.
Sometimes it’s so hard to pull away,
and if I were to keep staring,
my eyes would be stuck that way.
When you’re next to me, it’s so hard to concentrate.
Sometimes, I gotta tell myself that you’re just a guy,
no one special.

Well, that’s what I keep telling myself,
but my heart seems to disagree.


I'm not even a 2nd choice
I'm like an 8th choice sometimes a 10th
*Runs into a chair*
Me: sorry
Chair: you f.cking should be

I wonder what it was like
for the first people on instagram.

One of the first people: *posts picture*
One of the first people: *gets 2 likes*
One of the first people: HELL YEAH I'M ON THE POPULAR PAGEEE

Things tsay/do ttelemarker;

"I'm blind, could you repeat that?"
(Speak with perfect English) "I don't speak English, sorry!"
Say "Want to hear a cool noise?" Then hang up.
"My grandma fell off a cliff last week, don't you even care?!" Then hang up.
Act real interested, then at then end tell them no thanks and hang up.
Try to sell THEM something.
Pick up the phone and say "It's completed, but there's blood everywhere."
"Hello, this is the local spe.rm bank. You jack it we pack it! How may we help you?"

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