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A rose petaled bath in Paris, a view of the Eiffel Tower against the sky through the window, classical music softly playing from another room. A long shimmering white robe, moonlight, and internal peace. 


& YOU'LL ERASE ME
BUT I'LL ALWAYS
BLUSH FOR YOU
- - - - - - - -
When i know your thoughts through a single glance, 
what words are needed?
i can see your heart throb, flutter and shake
by the red on your cheeks.
your preferences have slowly become my preferences,
my secrets have slowly become yours.
when ego steps in and makes us part ways.
those times even, what more is there to say?
if my eyes have missed yours so much that tears well,
if i feel most pretty when you're kissing me,
if holding your hand when i'm anxious has become second nature
if the path to your house has somehow become mine...
What words are needed?  
when I want to hurt myself, I just think of the ways someone could love me. 
my imagination can float through the clouds,
but when its time to come down..

its a crash landing.


 
an emptiness, a shattering
ache
ache
ache
ache
ache
ache
ache
“i could see exactly what i was going to give up, exactly what this new self-knowledge would not save me from losing. [...] for the tiniest fragment of a second, i saw the bobbing heads of two small, black-haired children, running away from me into the familiar forest. when they disappeared, they took the rest of the vision with them.

i just had a dream, it was graduation, and we all graduated and we were all saying bye, and me and quincy were gonna go out to celebrate and a few other friends, including robert i guess in my dream me and him were good friends again and when i saw him after graduation we hugged and he whispered in my ear that he never stopped loving me and handed me a gift then quicy came up and said its from both of us it was a small wodden case, and there was a key but then quicy and rob said dont open it yet so i said okay, then after graduation we all randomly ended up in a water park and were all in bathing suits and i couldnt find quincy or robert, all i saw was a bunch of kids, and i helped a few because they were to small to swim on their own and then i realized after i got out that i didnt have the box anymore so i went to look for rob and quicy n i couldnt find either of them, so i looked everywhere for them and the box and so then i randomly ended up on top of some stadium looking thing and i was wearing a dress and i guess these people that i knew told me to go up with two other people and so we did and it had something to do with valuing your body image so after we got off i asked the girls if they have seen quincy or rob because ive been calling rob and quincy non stop and when they said no i just looked at my phone and saw a picture of me and rob hugging then kept looking at other ones of me and rob n me and quincy and so then the one girl marissa goes hey whats this, it was the box, so i grabbed the key from off the box and opened it, there was a pictures of me and quincy all around it but therr was also a mini box within it and another key with a tube of liqued so i tried to stick the key in the mini box but it didnt work so marissa suggested to dip the key into the tube of liqued so i did and then tried to open the mini box again and it works, and it was a necklace that looked just like the one he had gotten me for valintines back in 9th grade, and there was a little not as well in the box saying when i opened it to not put it on but to talk to him first so i locked everything back up and went to look for them then i ended back up to realsing from the hug from rob and him telling me to open it so i did and rob grabs the necklace and puts it on me, he apologized for what happened two years ago in 9th and 10th grade and thanked me for giving him another chance to be my friend and that he never stopped loving me and he wanted to fix his wrong to show how much he wanted me back and that not having me made him realize how much he was hut without me there, i smile while looking at him then me, him, quincy, and a few other people hop in this car, quincy was driving a friend was with quincy in the passangers seat, then two friends in the back seat then me and rob in the back back seat, so he looks at me and i look back and say what n laugh and he says if he could redo his wrong and have been with me and he was so sorry but i told him that it was okay and it was the past and then me and rob randomly popped up in a living room and we were watching a movie and he put his around me and i snuggled in bc we were close friends n i thought of it as a friendly thing then we finished the movie and he looks into my eyes and i do the same with him and all he says again is "i never stopped loving you" then i smiled and said "i tried to but it was to damn hard" then we kiss but not a normal kiss, like such a passion filled kiss and we were both happy, then we ended up back in the car just looking at eachother and we reached our destination as me and rob walked in it ended up being me and him at washinton just walking around and he says i cant even remeber going out with you, it was a waist of time, you messed up everything as always, so glade your gone, then all i saw was my face in tears but smiling and laughing....i woke up crying.

Never let the fear of being judged stop you from being yourself. These b****es aren't doing anything for you. You don't have to impress them. 

One thing I absoluetly love and adore about myself is, no matter how bad i've been treated, no matter how i'm feeling, no matter what i've been through or what i'm going through, I still have a heart of gold and endless love to give. That's one thing no one can ever take from me. 




More and more i find out.
Anything you're not fully open about, is something else to worry about.

 


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