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kiss me like the world is gonna disappear
 

i like being alive. well i don't like like it but i'm doing it at least. it comes in waves. my feelings and thoughts they change like anyone elses. for a while i held myself up to an impossible standard. i didn't let myself cry. that changed when i couldn't go one day without crying. protip; if ur sad, just cry. you sleep a little better too. when my world was ending i thought i was so rational. i remember thinking to myself; everyday of your life is going to be this bad so what's the point. it's scary how level headed i thought i was. because it did make sense at the time. then every new day was as bad as the last. and even when i had an alright day -- it was just that, it was never good. it was just alright. the alright days were rare and i didn't see the point of living through the worst days just to feel alright. i'm better now. i'll probably have another slump soon, that's just how i am. but at least i know now. i can't trick myself into thinking i know how my life will be. if it's gonna be a long depressing life then i'll just have to wait and see how depressing that ish can get. i can't know for sure. just gotta do it. a soul was breathed into me, it's still breathing. this heart is still beating. i can't give up even one second before it does (otherwise that would be super depressing).
Having been drafted to draft an analysis on proposals to bring back the draft, I poured a glass of draft, shut the window to keep out the draft, and started working on the first draft.
Veni, vidi, vomens.  I came, I saw, I experienced severe nausea.

Dandelions =/= weeds
 
Dandelions = Little drops of sunshine lighting up the earth.
 
Dandelions = Yummy food for pollinators and humans.
 
Dandelions = Medicine.
 
Dandelions = A resilient and adaptable plant that grows in areas most things can’t.
 
Dandelions = An improvement to your bland, useless lawn.
 
Dandelions = A gift. 
 
 

things aren't so good right now and i miss you and how you would make me laugh

if it is you, then yes. i become a yes woman. yes i'm free to hang out. yes that movie sounds great. yes i would kill for an ice cream right now. yes that grey tie goes better than that blue one. yes you're being over dramatic. yes i can come over for family night. yes it's not a problem. yes, yes and did i mention...yes? Yes but you're gonna have to make this up to me. Yes but get me a coffee on the way. Yes i know you love me. Yes i'm the best, we've been over this. Yes, i know when to say no. but with you, there's only reasons to say yes. 
this time comes again every day without fail. you walk me to my bus stop, we say our goodbyes, we part ways. i can't help but drag my feet as we make our way to sit down. I don't want to go. i want to continue where we left off. talking about whatever. under warm covers with a movie playing in the background. but now we're out here, sitting on a cold bench. my hands are in the pocket of your coat. your head rests on my shoulder. it's cold and the world is still. You go off on a ramble about the weather, while my mind just goes back to an hour ago. An hour ago you were joking about us spending the night together. We didn't have to do anything, we could just keep talking. You and i just can't ever shut up. it's amazing. of course if it led onto anything else then that'd be just as amazing. but now we're out here. the bus is approaching. you're still talking about how this year's spring doesn't feel like spring. your head still rests on my shoulder, my hands remain in your coat. the conversation changes its course but time won't stop for us. i squint as the bus gets closer. the blinding headlights are near but we stay just as we are. i feel a smile spread on my face. we talked about this earlier. 'What would happen if we missed the last bus?' soon enough the headlights fade and you lift your head and my eyes meet yours. this look on your face. it's my new favourite thing. mischievous. fun. you start saying dreamy things. we'll walk down a flowery path. wherever we go flowers will bloom. suddenly spring feels like spring. of course i'm smitten by you. i eat it all up. if it's you i will follow wherever you lead. with you, even a cold spring afternoon can feel like a cool summer night. 

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

For those who don’t know or understand. Men deal with emotional pain as well as women. Social norms are stated that all men shouldn’t cry or have feeling. That no matter what we have to be strong for ourselves and our family. That having these sensations are a showing of weakness. It’s the complete opposite. Like peoples it’s about to 2020. Social norms need to be broken down and re-evaluated. Honestly I notice that the whole thing about guys having to be tall, handsome, have a beard, abs ,just having money or how girls have to be a certain height, shape, size, weight, how they dress is what people want. Whatever happened to having that connection with people? Whatever happened to going out and not being on your phone and just talking with the person you are with? Why can’t people just also like people for who they are? Why do they have to act a certain way or dress a certain way in order to be socially acceptable to the masses? Whatever happened to being able to communicate with that’s one special person? Now I’m not saying that I’m a saint and not done this to someone because I have. I know I haven’t been the best at communicating to which this has cost me many a great deal of pain and suffering due to my own negligence of my own relationships. I know I’ve caused emotional pain to others as well. Practically anyone I’ve ever been in a relationship. Truth is what people want is unknowable until the right stone is cast. When that moment finally comes, that sensation of happiness comes to fruition.
I’m a guy and I’ve been hurt emotionally and physically. I’ve shed my own blood and my own tears feeling like I’ve been nothing worthless. To this day that sadly hasn’t changed. It sucks because I honesty know when I created this path for me. Right as I graduated high school, I realized that all my pain because my stupid actions and ignorance. I wish I could forgive myself for all these things I’ve done. But I have no idea how it would happen for me. Instead,I have to keep on moving forward trying to make a difference for myself but all I can say is that I forgive the others that added to this. To all the anger I let out because of my stupidity and jealousy. Thinking I wasn’t good enough when I was. Seeing how much people loved me but I didn’t show how much I loved them back. I’m sorry for being a bad person. I’m sorry for being someone that was a complete idiot and jerk. I wish I could see them again. And see their smile again. I miss you...
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