Amenah

Status: spacebound
Joined: January 30, 2011
Last Seen: 6 years
user id: 150130


reporting to earth for the last time. this is astronaut amenah, over and out.

Quotes by Amenah

I think a lot of people forget when they're talking to me that I'm sick. I'm not well. I think they forget that I have to take medicine I'm afraid of every day, and there are no days when a voice in my head doesn't say 'just kill yourself' -- at stupid mundane times, like in the middle of reading a book or writing a text or washing the dishes or locking the front door. For no apparent reason, the voice says 'I'm going to kill myself', even when I don't think it's been a bad day or anything. It's become a part of my mental lexicon, just as much as 'thank you' and 'sorry'. Reliably, every day -- just kill yourself. I am not well, and even the people who know seem to forget because I don't talk about it. I wish it was as easy for me to forget. But that's not the case.



7 2 Amenah Amenah
itslikebangingyourheadonabrickwalloverandover
I need to stop hoarding. I'm going to delete the old accounts, unfollow, forget. This can't go on forever. . .....

 

6 0 Amenah Amenah
friendship
Is this part of the deal? You start caring enough, and suddenly you start worrying every little thing you say makes them hate you? Or is it anxiety talking? .....

 

5 0 Amenah Amenah
away
me: [shows anyone the slightest vulnerability]
me: well glad that's done back to my cave and isolation for thirty-seven years

 

6 0 Amenah Amenah
ughhhhhhhh
If you want to wear the lipstick, wear the lipstick. The permission you're waiting is never going to come. ..


 

6 0 Amenah Amenah
cool
This is what you don't get to do. You don't get to ask why we never talk when you ignore my messages or emails. You don't get to tell me you'll be here to talk as soon as I'm ready when, the moment I am, you disappear. You don't get to make me feel guilty when time has proven you're just as bad. You don't get to say you want to know me, when you gave up halfway through.   This is what you don't get to do anymore.


 

7 0 Amenah Amenah
whoamitalkingto
Do you feel like you belong somewhere? Do you know where your home is? Do you recognise the soil where your roots have taken hold? Is it what you wanted? ...
 

5 0 Amenah Amenah
wahey
I keep seeing all these users I want to talk to but feel too shy to or don't trust myself to not screw up that conversation somehow and it's e m b a r r a s s i n g asljkdf


 

3 0 Amenah Amenah
ifeellikeastrangeronhere
How do you translate it to real life? That feeling, that mix of so much emotion and so many conflicting thoughts. I first thought it was an accident -- that you hadn't meant to send it to me, because honestly, who'd think something like that about me? Who would be so kind as to tell me? So brave as to bear their heart to someone as clumsy as I am. And also, I don't know what to do, because I never ever had those talks with anyone -- I didn't send texts that left my hung-up for days, I didn't empty my heart out in the rain or after heartbreaks, and all 3am conversations left me as the listener. I don't know how what tradition demands here; I have no experience in these sorts of talks. And I'm scared, but more, I'm... so happy. So happy I could cry. And I dont know how to tell you that without feeling so embarrassed I want to curl up in a ball and hide my face for days. I want to tell you what you've come to mean to me too -- more, I want you to know what I want and what I hope for too. But I don't know how, I don't know what you'll laugh at, what you'll find funny, what's out of line, what's not enough and what's too much. The only words I can think of right now are thank you. Thank you, and give me a moment. Give me time to find my own words for you, too.           ♡


 

7 0 Amenah Amenah
thiswasreallyembarrassingtotype
I made myself too stressed about my favourite hobby and now I'm loafing around because I want!! to!! write!! but also... don't. 


 

5 0 Amenah Amenah
whoops
< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next >