*brianna*

and here i am after all these years.
i finally discovered my self worth after
you took everything from me.

-i am finally free of you.

i still remember that day.

it was a cold november morning,

the sun still hidden behind the mountain tops.

screaming the words of our favorite songs,

wearing our hearts on our sleeves.

looking at you brought me this warm feeling,

like i was finally home again.

you hugged me, tight.

all i could think about in that moment

was how badly i wanted to kiss you.

 

i hate that you’re the one making

me question everything.

it wasn’t supposed to be like this,

but i can’t change it.

you’re making me feel so alive

and so scared all at the same time.

 

-these feelings came crashing against me like a tidal wave

to the girl who once loved me,

you made me so happy, my god.
days seemed brighter with
you in them.
life felt like it was worth living.
flowers seemed more colorful,
days flew by like a breeze.
things were so good- until
they weren't.
i remember all the nights
i'd spend on the phone with
you, begging you not to leave.
"you deserve better than me,"
you'd repeat like a broken record.
i never believed it, until one day,
i did.
one sunny day in july
i decided i wouldn't let you 
ruin me anymore.
so i left, and i couldn't 
be happier.

-to the girl who destroyed me.

i'm one of those people that can't let
go.if i've had fun with you once, i will
text you on your birthday for at least
the next five years. if we were friends in
elementary school and haven't talked 
since, i guarantee i still know your
mom's name and your favorite food.my
crushes never go away, they just fade. i
still tell stories about great times with 
people i haven't seen in years. if you
turn down my offer to get drinks and
catch up ten times, i promise i will still
ask an 11th time. if we fight and you
block me, i will find a way to check in
on you anyway to make sure you're 
okay. so if i give up on you, just know
that you damn well deserved it.

You deserve a relationship with
someone who doesn't leave you 
guessing where you stand with
them.

people do love you. it's just difficult
sometimes to see or believe that when you
don't love yourself. but that doesn't mean 
that nobody loves you. they do. i promise
you, they do.

-something to remember when you're
alone at 3am and it feels like your
world is collapsing around you.

This letter is to you.

The you that's had a rough week. The you that seems to be under constant storm clouds. The you that feels invisible. The you that doesn't know how much longer you can hold on. The you that has lost faith. The you that always blames yourself for everything that goes wrong. To you.

You are incredible. You make this world a little bit more wonderful. You have so much potential and so many things left to do. You have time. Better things are coming your way, so please hang in there. You can do it.

People always apologize for being a mess, but I
think there are good kinds of messy. Messy
lipstick from sloppy kisses, messy hair from
careless fingers, messy laughs from awkward
moments, messy hearts from complicated lives.
People get tangled and it's always messy, 
but it's so very beautiful.
She was messy; her clothes weren't perfect, her 
room wasn't perfect, all of her, down to her soul,
even that was messy. But it was a messy I could 
handle even when I couldn't handle my own.

-excerpt from a book // messy love

to the girl who kisses chins instead of lips:

i've fallen for you harder than i've fallen for anyone else.
i used to think i wasn't addicted to anything, but my god, i'm addicted to you.
your eyes have a way of melting me, even on the coldest of days.
the way your lips feel pressed against mine makes me feel like everything is as it should be.
i am in love with you, and the way you kiss chins instead of lips.

i was so sad and angry and tired and all i wanted was to be held but there was nothing but silence and four walls staring at me begrudgingly, saying "it shouldn't be like this, you didn't plan it like this, did you?" and i wanted to crawl into a hole but the floor was too cold so i stayed under the covers and dreamed that i was somewhere warm where none of my problems existed and it was like this that i finally learned how to survive on my own.