Status: Sometimes what you like and what you feel is right are two different things, and they clash. Goodbye.
Joined: August 13, 2012
Last Seen: 1 decade
Birthday: August 17
user id: 324736
Location: Ireland
Gender: F
 Bye Witty.
Thanks for being there for me, 
but I have promises to keep and I cannot
fulfil them on this website.


Quotes by Ireland201

Dear Witty

I guess we'll never know the ending of my story.
I have promises to keep about my self-harm, and seeing all the quotes on here about self-harm don't help.
Thanks for being there for me,
but I'm getting better now.
People say they never see adults with scars because none of us make it that long, but I'm going to prove that saying wrong - and I'm going to do it on my own.
You have no idea how grateful I am to all of you, and to Steve, for making this website my home. I have never felt at home anywhere, until I joined Witty.
I know you won't read this, but I just thought I'd let you know.
Thanks again.

Just keep swimming.


find iverfunny

most websites it says
Sign Up, or Create an account,
but on Witty it says
Join Us,
like we're some dark force come

to destroy the world.


If you could see me now
chapter 14

"I told you not to come," I said as he sat down beside me.
"You should be grateful," he told me. "What's the matter?"
I sighed. "My Dad wrote to me."
He took a moment to understand why that was bad, but then he realised what was wrong with that. "Oh."
"So, are you going to write back?" he asked.
"Definitely not," I said. "He killed people. I don't want anything to do with him."
"I guess I see where you're coming from," he admitted. "Write back and tell him that."
"He told me to write back if I read the letter," I said slowly.
"Tell him you did," he told me.
"No, I can't." I teared up.
"Put yourself in his shoes," he said.
"No thanks."
"Okay, well imagine you did that and Tara watched. Then imagine she never wanted anything to do with you even though you loved her very much. Just imagine it."
I did, and pulled a face.
"Isn't so nice, is it?" he said.
"No, but that's different. This is my reality, Conor, and I don't think you understand it," I said, standing up off the sofa.
"How would I?" he snapped. "You didn't do a great job explaining it and I'm afraid to ask because you always break down whenever I do." His voice was getting louder. "It's part of your past, Jodie. You can't change the past! You need to embrace it, it's made you stronger."
"Has it?" I hissed. "I can't go a day without breaking down. Do you think I ask for that? Do you think I asked for any of this? Why would I do that? Huh? I hate every day in my life because Evan isn't here. He was the only good think my life had in years and now he's gone and so is Tara."
"What about me?"
I hesitated.
"Well?" he pushed.
"What about you?" I asked.
"Aren't I something good that has happened to you?"
"Don't  be so egotistical. You're just a replacement for Evan!" I yelled. I regretted the words as soon as I said them. The hurt in Conor's eyes was there, in large amounts. His face went red and I thought he was about to cry.
"I gave up Scarlet for you. She was my everything, I loved her more than anyone else. I'll never get her back now, will I? I gave you a job, I saved your life, and I've been there for you. Nice to know that that's how you thank me," he said, his voice low.
"Wait, I didn't mean it. You don't under-"
"I know, I don't understand. I get it," he snapped, glaring at me. He got up and left.
As soon as I heard his car start and drive off, I burst into tears. I picked up a glass vase from the bookshelf in the sitting room and threw it on the ground. It smashed into little pieces. I picked up one of the pieces and dragged it across my arm. Blood oozed from the cut. I winced in pain.
I kept thinking that if Tara and Evan, or Mum, or even Dad could see me now, they wouldn't be proud. Conor wouldn't be proud either. I dropped the piece of glass in my hand and went to the kitchen. I wrapped up the cut in a bandage. I was light-headed.
"This time next year, you're all going to look down on me and be proud," I promised, looking upwards. 

Author's Note:
It's been over two weeks since I last updated I am so sorry!!! I broke my wrist and was finding it hard to type and I have exams so I didn't have time. Forgive me.
Feedback? Follow for a follow. Thanks! ~Mary :)

Friend: Hey, I want to watch a movie tonight! What should we watch?
Me: Hmm... How about Snakes on a Plane?
Friend: Sure, what's it about?
Me: Horses... It's about horses on boats.

If you could see me now
chapter 13

The muscles in my legs were stiff from the crouched position I had been lying in. I was sure the family next door had heard me screaming. The entire town must have heard. Nobody knocked on my door to complain though, which I was grateful for. I wouldn't have been able to explain it to them very well.
It seemed impossible that he found me. For God's sake I had changed my name! How was it possible?
He hadn't said how he had found me, and I didn't plan on asking. I didn't plan on replying at all.
I wondered had I over-reacted.
I picked the letters up from the rug under the post box in my front door. I stared at the one on top for a few seconds trying to see what it was. My name was hand-written in a clumsy scrawl on the envelope, so it wasn't a bill or anything fancy.
I opened it.

Jodie, I miss you so much. Not a day goes by where I don't think of you. I know you probably think about me for all the wrong reasons, but I do love you. You must be all grown up by now. I miss you. You never visit. You should. Please? I'd love to talk to you, I haven't in so long. If I ever get out of here When I get out of here I'll make it up to you. Or, I'll try at least - I won't be able to make it up to you, will I? Please tell me if you read this. Write me a letter telling me you read it. It doesn't have to say anything else. If I know that you read it it's enough for me. Merry Christmas. Love, Dad.

I was shaking by the time I was finished. "Love, Dad," I repeated. "Dad." I dropped the letter and put my hand out, reaching for something - anything! I was going to fall over if I didn't. I was terrified. How had he known where I lived? My name? What made him think I wanted to visit? Or write back?
I was shaking and crying at the same time. Nothing ever stayed perfect for me. It was too much to ask for a little bit of happiness in my life.
The doorbell rang and I screamed at the top of my voice - long and high pitched. I shook violently as I went to open the door. A boy I didn't know stood there, seeming fairly frightened himself -- I must have scared him when I screamed.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I couldn't speak to him. I shook my head and closed the door in his face, dropping to my knees. I screamed and screamed, and then cried.
*End of Flashback*
I needed Conor. He'd help me. He'd know what to do. I couldn't really call him over just because I got a letter, could I? It seemed a bit dramatic. And a bit needy.
No, he didn't need to suffer with me. I would stay home for a few days and get all my screams and tears out of my system so that he wouldn't see me like this.
It seemed funny that I had been afraid Conor would break me, when it now seemed that I needed him.
I stayed seated on the sofa and prepared for the long hours ahead, that I would spend being sad and feelig sorry for myself.

Conor's POV
"Why don't you invite Jodie around? We still have some food left over from Christmas," Hazel said.
"Okay, I'll ring her." I took out my phone and dialed the number. It took a while before she answered.
She sniffed. "Hello?"
"Hey, Jodie. Do you want to come over today?" I asked.
"Oh, er, I mean, I can't. Not today. Sorry," she stammered, tripping over her own words.
"Why not?" I asked, frowning.
"Just can't. I'm not well," she said quickly.
"Oh, well, do you want me to come over? I can help you if you like," I offered.
"No, I'm fine."
"But you said you were sick."
"Yes, I am. Don't you set foot anywhere near my house! Understand?" she said - well, more like shouted.
"Sure," I muttered, a little stunned. She hung up, and I considered what to do for a moment.
Going to her house is my only option, I thought, smiling to myself.

Author's Note:
Oh yeah, don't worry about little old me, I've only lost like HALF OF MY FOLLOWERS!!
I'm sorry I don't update very regularly, it's hard to do because I have exams and stuff.
Feedback? Follow for a follow. Thanks! ~Mary :)


But stand up
and never say never
'cause this life is gonna get better
Take a breath, shake it off and say

I'm on my way.


If you could see me now
chapter 12
part two

 "I should go home," I said, looking at the clock. It was half past nine. I had spent all day at the Tailor's house, joking around with Eoin, Conor and Annie. I even managed to get a smile out of Darren, something I hadn't seen him do much before. Joe laughed too, though I could tell he didn't really find a lot of it funny.
"I'll drive you," Conor said, standing up off the sofa. I stood up too and we left.
Driving home, I felt at ease. It was amazing how comfortable I felt around Conor Tailor. Hmm. Jodie Tailor...
"What did you just say?" Conor asked, sounding a little shocked.
"Huh? Crap, did I say that out loud?" I said, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks.
"Um, yeah," Conor said slowly.
There was a long pause.
"The name suits you, it goes together well. Not like Jodie Grace. I think Jodie Tailor works better," he said suddenly.
"Grace was my mother's last name. I changed it when I was sixteen, so that I wouldn't have the same name as my father and he wouldn't be able to contact me," I said, surprising myself with the words. "My name was Jodie Stride."
There was another long pause.
"There's a lot I didn't know about you. I was wrong about a lot of things," he said.
For some reason, I only remembered then that he might expect to be invited into my house. I cringed.
He laughed. "You need to stop saying things out loud. I won't come in, if you don't want."
I blushed again. "Thanks Conor."
"That's fine. Which way do I go now?"
"Turn left up ahead, and mine's the third house on the right hand side," I told him. "The messy, abandoned looking one."
We pulled up outside of my house moments later. The street lamp was shining on Conor's face, making his eyes glisten. I had the desire to kiss his face. I clenched my jaw in frustration.
"You're very beautiful, you know that, right?" he said.
"That's a lie and you know it." I grinned.
"I wish you'd believe me, or that you could see yourself through my eyes, or anyone elses for that matter. Everyone thinks you're beautiful. My mother wishes she looked like you when she was younger, my sister curses your eyes and hair, and have you seen the way all three of my brothers look at you?"
"No, I haven't. Why? How do they look at me?" I asked, frowning at him.
"Like a blind man seeing the sunset for the first time," he said.
I scoffed. "Don't be so dramatic. Nobody looks at anyone like that!"
"You'll believe me one day. Hey, that's what the teddy can stand for on your bracelet," he told me, grinning.
"Sure, whatever you want," I said sarcastically, unfastening my seatbelt and getting out of his car. "See you."
"Bye," he said, just a fraction of a second before I shut the door.
When I went into my house and sat down on my sofa, I realised that I might not believe what Conor told me, but it did matter to me. It mattered because when I was giving people compliments I always wished for one back, but when I got them it didn't matter so much. What Conor said, mattered to me a great deal. And that was scary, because I was giving him the power to break me.

Author's Note:
Oh yeah, don't worry about little old me, I've only lost like HALF OF MY FOLLOWERS!!
This chapter is in two parts because it was too long and Witty wouldn't let me add it.
I'm sorry I don't update very regularly, it's hard to do because I have exams and stuff.
Feedback? Follow for a follow. Thanks! ~Mary :)


If you could see me now
chapter 12
part one

"Merry Christmas," Hazel said, handing me the small box wrapped in silver paper.
"Oh, you shouldn't have. I didn't get any of you anything," I said.
"Never mind that. Open it."
Conor sat down on the sofa beside me. "Who's it from?" I asked, smiling at him.
"All of us, but I picked it out," Conor told me.
I groaned. "I thought there would be no presents. I didn't get anybody anything."
"We don't mind, we have plenty. You didn't get anything," he said sternly.
I peeled the paper off the small present, revealing a maroon box with a golden pattern around the side. Even the box was the prettiest thing I had held in months. I opened it, revealing a bracelet with different charms on it inside.
"Do you like it?" Conor asked.
Everyone had left us alone, creating their own conversations in the room. "I love it. What do all the charms mean?"
"Well, the horse shoe is the horse riding lesson you are yet to have," he told me, grinning. "The book is a story, your story, and it's not over yet. The circle shape is a halo, because you have lots of angels looking out for you up in Heaven who would be upset for you to leave this world just yet. The little diploma means that you're going to college if it kills me, and the teddy is just a teddy. I don't know, girls like teddy's, right?"
"Yes, we do," I said, smiling up at him. "And this is the most beautiful present I have ever gotten. Thank you so much. Did those meanings come with the charms or did you make them up?"
"I saw them in the shop and thought of a meaning for them and added them to the bracelet. I can be pretty deep when I want to be," he told me, a smug smile on his face.
"Thank you. I don't deserve it," I said, and it even sounded to me like I was apoligizing.
"Stop feeling bad about being happy. Everyone wants you to be happy." He sounded almost annoyed.
I frowned, trying to think of a way I could explain it to him right. My life had been perfect, then it had been a nightmare, then it had been perfect again, then another nightmare, and now it was just okay. I'd sound mental if I explained to him that sometimes I heard Evan clearer than I could picture him, or that out of nowhere I'd hear Tara's life - the innocent laugh of a baby - that I was haunted by the terrifying night with my father, and that my mother's death was my fault. He wouldn't understand, and I would never be able to explain it right.
"Jodie?" Eoin called, snapping me out of my daydream. "How much turkey do you want?"
I smiled. "Not much, thank you." Spending time with this family of nice people must have made me a nicer person. Sometimes I was a bit shocked when I complimented someone, or if someone annoyed me and I said something nice in return. Had I been like this when I was younger? I didn't remember being an unpleasant child, and the first person I ever remembered telling me I wasn't nice was a friend of Evan's when I was fifteen.
I sat down between Conor and Annie while we ate. Annie babbled about her new iPod, and how she knew what music she was going to download, and how her friend told her she knew how to get free music. I laughed at how clueless I was about electronics and the internet.
"My God! You're useless! Do you even have a Facebook?" Annie scoffed.
"No, should I have one?" I asked slowly.
"Yes! What kind of human are you?" she snapped.
"A very rare kind," I told her, and she smiled, obviously agreeing with me.

Author's Note:
This chater is in two parts because it was too long and Witty wouldn't let me add it.
I'm sorry I don't update very regularly, it's hard to do because I have exams and stuff.
Feedback? Follow for a follow. Thanks! ~Mary :)


If you could see me now
chapter 11

"Is it sore?" I asked, dabbing his nose with a wet cloth.
"No." He was giving me one word answers and it annoyed me. I had done nothing wrong.
"Please tell me how I messed with your head, because I'm at a loss as to how this is my fault," I said.
"The whole thing with Scarlet. I never told you about her. And you were being nice even though you knew about Scarlet and everything," he muttered.
"Yes, that's true, but that would not have happened if you had just told me in the first place that you had a girlfriend. I would have understood."
"But I liked you more than I ever liked her," he said.
"Liked? So you don't anymore?" I asked, grinning slightly.
"Of course I do, but you don't like me so there's not much else to say," he mumbled.
"Hang on. When did I say I didn't like you? I never said anything about that," I said.
"So you do?"
"I never said anything about that either."
He groaned. "This is what I'm talking about. Just tell me! You either like me or you don't."
"I do like you, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. Having said that, I don't want other people to like you or you to like other people," I said, trying to figure out where I was going with this.
"What? Why? If you like me then why won't you be my girlfriend?"
"It's a long story," I said.
"I have time."
"Well, when I was thirteen something awful happened to my mother and I was left with my Dad. I loved my Dad. We were a very happy family until the day that something happened my mother," I began.
"What happened to her?" he asked.
"Sh-sh-she k-k-k," I tried to force the words out but couldn't.
"It's okay, you don't have to tell me," Conor said, wiping a tear from my cheek. He kept his hand there, resting on my face.
I took a deep breath. "She killed herself."
Conor's face went white and I wondered if, like me, he was remembering the day when he saved me from jumping off the bridge.
"Anyway, moving on," I said quickly. "My Dad didn't cope very well with her death and started drinking a lot and using drugs. He was very handsome and lots of women were interested in him. He had lots over, but they only stayed a night and then I never saw them again. 
"Then, one day, he stopped drinking and using drugs and he had this one woman, Rochelle, over. She was very beautiful, but not as beautiful as my mother. She had a son who was my age named Harry. This was when I was fourteen. They got married.
"Six months later my father got fired from his job. He spent a whole week drinking in clubs and chatting up girls that couldn't have been much older than me. I remember how much Rochelle cried and cried. I felt sorry for her and hated my father for doing this to her. You see, I believe that my mother killed herself because we didn't appreciate her and my father was always cheating on her. Maybe there are other reasons, but that's what I believe.
"When he came back after nearly a week and a half, he was so drunk I was amazed he could stand up.
""I killed her!" he shouted, erupting into laughter, holding a bloody knife in his hand.
"Rochelle and I looked at each other in shock. "Who?" "I killed the bar woman," he said, laughing again. Rochelle and I knew he wasn't joking. I saw her burst into tears. Harry sat down next to me, his face white. I buried my face in his chest and cried. I remember thinking how lucky I was to have a step-brother that I got along with so well.
"My father shouted at us to stop crying. When Rochelle did, but I couldn't, he stabbed my stomach with the knife. Harry tried to help me, but Dad hit him and smashed his head of the ground, knocking him unconscious. He stabbed him multiple times. Rochelle was going hysterical, screaming and crying. I knelt down beside Harry and took his hand. I remember how cold it was. He was dead. Dad stabbed Rochelle more times than I could count. I stared at him in horror. When Rochelle stopped breathing, and Dad looked at my terrified face, he seemed to realise what he had done.
""Jodie, I'm so sorry," he said, dropping the knife on the floor. "I love you."
"I didn't answer. But I did faint."
I looked at Conor's face. He was a sickly green colour. "Is there more?"
"Yes," I told him. "After that I was sent to live with my best friend's family since I had no other family."
"Where was your father?" Conor asked.
"Prison obviously," I said. "Well, my best friend was named Evan. I fell in love with him when we were sixteen. He told me he had loved me since we were young children. When I was eighteen I got pregnant. It wasn't planned and neither of us were thrilled, but when she was born she was so beautiful that we both fell in love with her instantly. Six months later Evan took me out to a restaurant. We left Tara, our baby, with a friend of ours named Marci, who I haven't seen in years. Evan asked me to marry him and I said yes. We collected Tara after, and when we were driving home a drunk driver collided with our car. Evan and Tara were both killed."
When I finished, I noticed that Conor was looking down at the ring on my hand. "So, is that why you tried jumping off that bridge?"
"There's that and the fact that I have had at least four near-death experiences, and none of them have killed me. I think I was just born to die," I said. 
"Everything happens for a reason," he whispered.
"I don't think it does. Sh..t just happens," I muttered. "Anyway, I think I'm betraying Evan if I be your girlfriend."
"He would want you to be happy."
"I don't deserve to be happy."
"Yes you do. You're going to be happy whether you like it or not," he snapped, smiling at me.

Author's Note:
Gah! This is so looooooonng.  Sorry if there are mistakes or anything, I have no time to check it.
Feedback? Follow for a follow. Thanks! ~Mary :)


If you could see me now
chapter 10

The next day when I showed up for work Conor ignored me completely. I didn't care. Well, that was what I told myself. Eoin spoke to me though, so it was easier to keep my mind off Conor.
This was my last day before my Christmas holidays. I could almost taste the turkey that I wasn't going to cook. Hazel was busy checking to see what else she would need for her Christams dinner. She thought that she might as well be organised and buy things a few days in advance. I offered to come with her when she was going food shopping, since there was nothing to do on the farm.
When we got to the supermarket in town, Hazel decided to let me in on some of John's secrets.
"We're going to close down the farm," she told me, almost whispering.
"What? Why?" I gasped.
"Nobody visits our little petting farm anymore. It was a good business at the start, but not anymore," she said.
"But it could be good again. Kids love wearing old clothes and getting mud and dirty all over themselves while feeding foals," I told her, smiling slightly.
"John said he just doesn't want to do this kind of thing anymore," Hazel confessed. "If his heart's not in it then I'm not going to force him to keep going."
"So, what will you do? If you close down?" I asked.
"Well, John and I always planned to live in the coutryside in France, but then when I got pregnant with Darren so we didn't get to. Darren and Conor could stay here, of course, but Eoin might not be able to. And, well, Joe and Annie are too young to stay here and I don't think they would like to move." She sighed, picking up some peas off the shelf.
"Yes, that's true," I agreed. "But parents sometimes need to think of themselves. Because if you don't you'll go mad. It happened someone I knew. She did everything for her family and they were ungrateful for her. Then one day she snapped and committed suicide." I could hear the sadness in my voice as I spoke.
"My God, that's awful," she gasped.
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
"So, what are your family doing for Christmas?" she asked cheerily.
What was I meant to say to that?
"Are you okay? You've gone very white," Hazel said, putting her hand on my forehead to check my temperature.
"F-fine," I told her. "I just... don't know how to answer that question."
"Why not?" she asked, staring uncomprehendingly at me.
"The woman that killed herself is my mother," I said quickly.
"Oh, I'm very sorry." She smiled sympathetically at me. "What about your father?"
I sighed. "Don't even go there."
"Okay, I won't, but if you need somewhere to stay over Christmas you come to our house, alright?" she said.
"Oh, I couldn't ask you to-"
"You're not asking, we're offering," she interrupted.
"Conor might not want me there," I said slowly.
"Well the rest of us do." I had never heard Hazel's voice so stern, like she wasn't asking me to come over - it was more like she was ordering me.
"Okay then, I'll come," I told her.
"Good. Now, help me pick out a turkey."

Later, when we went back to their house, and I was going upstairs to go to the bathroom, I overheard Annie, Darren, Eoin and Conor talking in Conor and Eoin's room.
"She is not spending Christmas here," Conor snapped. I grinned to myself, happy that I had annoyed him in the little way that I could.
"Yes she is. Hazel told me her parents live really far away and that she can't go see them," Annie said. "She can't spend Christmas alone." I still found it strange that they called their parents by their first name. I mean, I did that too, but that was different. It was hard to speak about my mother because it hurt, so it was easier to call her Sharon. And I didn't like to think my father was actually my father and that he was where he was - actually, I didn't like to think about him or what he did much at all - so it suited me just fine to call him Thomas. I was grateful that Hazel didn't tell them what really happened to my mother - Sharon.
"I'll pay for the plane ticket myself before I have her stay here," Conor muttered.
"Look, Conor, I don't know what happened between you two," Darren began.
"I do," Eoin murmered.
"Shut up Eoin. Anyway, Jodie is like family to us and we all treat her like a sister. Christmas is a time for family, and since she can't see her family, we ought to step in as a kind of adopted family," Darren said. I had never heard him say anything kind, and that was the kindest thing anyone had said about me. I smiled to myself.
"No, I won't have it. If she spends Christmas here then I won't. She completely messed with my head and then humiliated me," Conor hissed.
"You're the one who didn't tell her you had a girlfriend," Eoin said in my defence. I didn't deserve him as a friend, truly I didn't.
"Shut up Eoin! Just because you have some stalker crush thing with her doesn't mean th-"
Conor was cut off rather quickly with the sound of shuffling feet, a punch, and a groan.
"My nose," Conor said, his voice muffled.
The door swung open. Conor froze when he saw me standing there with a grin on my face.
"Oh, I suppose you think this is funny," he snapped, blood dripping down from his n
ose onto his shirt.
"Yes, I do actually," I said, laughing. "Here, I'll help you."
Author's Note:
My 161st quote. Seems like just yesterday that I posted my first one :')
Feedback? Follow for a follow. Thanks! ~Mary :)