Miluiel*

 

I've had an account on this website for a little over 9 years now.

It's weird to think that the dominant culture of the Internet now were preschoolers and elementary school kids while I was spending hours coding, reading stories, chatting with friends, and expressing my teenage angst on this site.

I don't even know if younger teens today would even be interested in a site like this.

Either way, this site has deeply impacted me in ways I didn't even realize until recently. If I had never gotten into Witty, I'd probably never be interested in code and think it was too complicated (and it can be complicated -- but the products of coding can be very rewarding).

I'm at a bit of a crossroads about my career path right now, and thinking about the time I spent on Witty and Tumblr coding has me thinking about getting back into it.

And even more so, if I had never started using Witty, I would have never discovered how much I love writing and creating stories. I liked it even before I joined Witty, but reading some of the stories on here (that seem so cheesy and cliche now) sparked so much joy and imagination in me that I began creating worlds on paper so vibrant and vivid as if they were real. My biggest dream and goal in life is to become a fiction author and turn those books into films. I hope to make a living off of just that someday, but for now, I'm just trying to find a plan B.

So much has changed over nine years, but so much is still the same. I guess I expected more to be different. I guess I expected life to make more sense and to get easier; it didn't. In many ways I'm proud of how far I come, and in some ways, I kind of expected myself to be further than I am. I don't know if 13-year-old me would be proud of me, but I think she'd be surprised that I was able to make it past 18. I think she'd be disappointed that I don't have a solution for who I am, but at least I have an answer.

Going 22 years without knowing that I'm neurodivergent has taken a huge toll on me and robbed me of so much of my youth and so many opportunities. Logging on and reading old quotes unlocks emotions I didn't know I still felt and hurt I didn't know I still harbored.

I don't know how many of you will, but I'll certainly remember this site in another 9 years. If this planet lasts that long, I'll certainly log back in and update you all on whether or not I managed to find a hack for my oddly-wired brain. I hope I can make bigger and more meaningful changes in my life during this next decade minus 1 year.

Peace!

You write miracles
out of strangers.

         

They mistook my kindness

i know that, but Jesus, can’t a girl

take in the sweetness
Think about it, the darkness, the deepness
All the things that make me who I am

 

 

You lose your way, just take my hand
You’re lost at sea, then I’ll command your boat to me again
Don’t look too far, right where you are, that’s where I am

 

 

TELL ME HOW
TO BREATHE IN

 

 

AND FEEL NO HURT.