KatilynnMarie7

I have never missed someone so much than I miss my best friend and boyfriend right now. 

I finally told him. I told Chris about the depression that I have been fighting. He got so angry with himself. He almost cried when I told him. He knew that I was depressed when we first started dating, but he said that he had hoped that he had made me happy. I almost started crying when we pulled up to my house and he said that. He told me that he wouldn't look at me any different but that he loved me just the same. I found someone that I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with. 

Alright. I am done trying to make you happy. You hate me? Thats cool. But the worst part about this all, I called you my best friend. 

Do you ever just stop and think about what YOU want your life to be? I wanted to take control my life, so I almost committed suicide, and then I thought, 'No. You have everything. A boy that loves you, best friends that would do anything for you, and family that will always care about you. Are you really that dumb?' So you know what I did? I shaved half my head. I took control of what I wanted. It wasn't to look cool, it was to prove to not all of you a**holes, but to myself that this is for me. So that I could find myself. 

I leave in 4 weeks exactly, and I still feel like nobody is gonna miss me. Is that sad? I guess Minnesota was actually a good idea, a new beginning. New friends, New house, New school, new...new..Me. 

Let me tell you about a few girls who are the strongest girls I have ever met. MacKenzie Taylor Yohe, and Cali Marie Cinkovich. 

MacKenzie, is the girl who I honestly look up too. She is fighting a loosing battle. Love, Heartbreak, and Struggle. She fell in love with a boy who she gave her all too, and he broke her heart. His name was Kyle LeDoux. (something like that) But some how is now dating a boy named Dustin, who I have talked about in earlier quotes, and has been dating him for almost 4 months. She hurt herself, and her step dad is a butt face, and to put something on top of all of that? She feels alone. She is my bestfriend, and yeah we have had our disagreements, but at the end of the day? I know that she will always be there for me. I love you babygirl. You're everything and more to me.

Cali has a lot of issues that not a lot of people can look past, I can. She isn't some weird girl that dresses funny to me, she is the most beautiful girl who has her own sense of style and doesn't give a rats butt about what people have to say about it. She and I have been through hell and back together. She is my bestfriend as well, she has had her heartbroken, and has taken quite a few beatings, but she is learning that people do love her, that people do care. She taught me that you have to appreciate everything and everyone that walks into your life, and she is one of them. I can't imagine my life without her. She makes me mad, and I annoy her, but at the end of the day? She is one of the most important people too me. I love you, sweetheart. 

I want to tell you how much you mean to me, and how much I think about you Cali, I really do.. would you actually care about me this time, would you actually talk to me? It's almost Christmas, I can't help but think that you're one of the best things that stepped into my life for the second time. I really, truly, honestly, and seriously am sorry for the hurt I've caused you, and now to myself. You turned into everything you said you would never be. I hope you're happiness came to you, thats all that I ever wanted for you. I hope you get what you deserve in life, babe. 

Si oblitus fuero tui, et ad mundum, id est mihi semper.

Chris cried for the first time in front of me tonight. We have been dating for 6 months and 5 days. I bawled, he did too, all because I am moving. He told me everything he has been wanting too, and then he gave me something that made me cry even more. His grandmother's cross she would wear, and then he wore when she passed away. And on the chain with the cross, is a ring with his name, "CHRISTOPHER" on it, that he got when he was 2-3 to wear when he got older. He trusts me so much, and it meant the world to me. He told me that if we ever break up, he wants me to keep it, even if I don't wear it, to keep it somewhere that I will be able to find it. I honestly can say, I love him. With everything I have. Thank you to all who have read this. It means a lot to me.