Dudu*

one of these days i'll find the one that ticks all my boxes
and you'll say you wish you were him.
and i might laugh and tell you it could have been.

everything reminds me of you
but i will overcome this too

all you do is lead me on and disappoint me.
i don't want to care about you anymore.
do not disturb is on.

hate that you say what we have is different.
hate that you got me this way.

i wanted you till the end but this won't ever work for me.

hate that my room is filled with the things you've gifted me
hate that my mind is filled with the memories you've given me.

but this won't ever work.
you don't know how to love me.
you don't know how to hear me.

you just don't know how to be a man for me.
you just can't ever seem to understand me
and it's frustrating.

you just stress me out and waste my time.

so far beyond disappointed.
felt like a nail in the coffin.
you're not really dependable now are you?

a part of me wants to believe that i could wait *forever* for you, 
but a part of me also knows i love myself too much to ever do that.

i'm kind of sick of us.

slow, begrudging walk.
it's never ending,
it's getting ridi-cu-lous.
how far is left? i have no idea.
it's getting so exhausting.

slow, deep breaths.
i keep walking and breathing this same, stale air.
how far is left? i have no idea, i am no wise man. 

time, may you fly?
may you help me out and send me to shore?
i am super sad, i am a leaf in the wind.
this low hanging fruit of a limp surrender,
it waves at me, but i am no loser.

 rain, may you stop?
may you sprinkle down when this monsoon clears?
i am super strong, but i am so human.
in the end, i am still here.
i know nothing else
i have no idea.

you know,
sometimes you make me feel so sad.

why am i always the one comforting you? if you told me you were in a slump i’d try to cheer you up. that’s what i do. you say i’m one of your favourite people. but you can’t even see through me. i can’t let myself love you anymore. you’re texting me now about other things. i just want to talk about my feelings. you say you’re my safe space but sometimes i can’t feel it. i’m really disappointed in you. you say were similar but sometimes i feel like i’m too much for you. you love that i empathise with you and care deeply but these deep feelings need a place to go too. i missed you and told you how i felt. you said you felt that way too. i really wanted you to ask me how i am. sometimes you’re amazing. sometimes you hurt me without knowing it. i’m really sensitive we’ve been over this. just wish you would drop everything for me like i try to do for you. cause right now i feel silly sad and used.