Joined: June 17, 2013
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 363393
Gender: F

Mischief_Managed_'s Favorite Quotes

one time this guy was hitting on me and
he said "i'm loving the whole blonde hair, blue eyes thing" and i said "so did h.tler" i literally said that to a person


when girls call their boyfriends "daddy"
it makes me want to projectile vomit on their existence


when you think the gif is frozen and
you stare at it for like five minutes and you're like oh that's just a picture

okay, if i lived in america or somewhere else where there are heaps of Wittians, i would absolutely organize for a massive group of us to go out for coffee/see movies/go shopping once a week and we'd be in a massive group and look super cool and no one would know that we're actually a bunch of people from the internet who hardly ever leave their bedrooms.
so yesterday i was babysitting five kids under the age of nine (i know, i know, i'm practically jesus. shhh.) and one of them was an 8 year old boy called Corben. basically, he developed a huge crush on me after i told him i liked star trek and dragons, and he kept hitting on me the entire time and it was hilarious and also adorable.

alana (his six year old sister): oh wow, you're so good at lego. you're magical.
corben: yeah, lizzy's so magical that she makes people fall in love with her and wish that they were older so that tHEY COULD MARRY HER FOREVER
corben: when we get married can we have a cat? i like cats.
me: what
alana: corben i'm never talking to you again
corben: lizzy, do you like cocoa pops?
me: yeah, but--
corben: i'll get you three bowls.
me: okay, goodnight you guys.
corben: mum usually gives us a cuddle before we go to sleep.
alana: no she doesn--
corben: shHHhHhHH.
me: no.
corben: not even a little cuddle?
me: why are you out of bed?
corben: do you want to read my book about dragons
me: no, go back to bed
corben: i'll read it to you if you want


Me: ~seductively whispers "please do my homework, mom"~

I always cry when I watch Rugrats in Paris because when all the
babies and kids are dancing with their mom's and Chuckie is just standing in the corner because he doesn't have a mom and then when they're on the plane going to Paris and all the mom's come and Chuckie's just staring out the window and you hear the song, "I wanna mom who'll love me forever. I wanna mom who'll make it all better." and dON'T TOUCH ME I'M UPSET.


I wrote the names of my best friends all
over my legs and wrists. I did this because
if I want to start cutting again
I'd know who's actually hurting. 


In my bedroom at night.
Me: ~is peacefully playing on my phone in my bed~
Me: ~hears rustling outside of my closed door~
Me: Uh....what's that....?!
Zombie: ~bursts through door with giant axe~
Me: Oh no wait, you're not my mom!! Haha, whew i was scared there for a second!! Imagine if you were my mom and she saw me playing on my phone this late! Hahahah sorry about that!

What to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you
--Smile and clap along
--Have a sudden fit of coughing so you can awkwardly hide your face in your hands
--Beat box
--Scream "DIS MY JAM!" and jump on the table and break dance
--Sing Amazing Grace as loud as you possible can until they stop singing to you
--Go over to the closest person singing and hug them tightly until they stop singing. Keep holding them until they feel uncomfortable. Bonus points for humming in their ear.
--Start a mosh pit
--Strip tease