Papaute
Status:
Joined: September 2, 2013
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 370713
Gender: F
Joined: September 2, 2013
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 370713
Gender: F
118
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1,224 Favorites
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68 Followers
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1,224 Favorites
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68 Followers
4 Comment Points
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Goodbye everyone!
Logging off for the last time,
Logging off for the last time,
Quotes by Papaute
“Today I
choose to feel the pain of sitting through a feeling, the terror
in realizing that I am powerless over so many things, and the joy
in knowing that I do not experience these things alone. I fight
my feet when they beg me to run and battle my mind in its
attempts to protect me from remembering the things I worked so
hard to forget. Today is a constant war for healing. It is filled
with promise and potential.”
I
don’t care how long this is, every single person should
read this.
You’re sitting in your room ~ door locked ~ with a pen in your hand and a blank piece of paper infront of you. Your hand is shaking, and the tears begin again - for the third time in the past hour. ‘To my family’ you write at the top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin your letter ~ your suicide letter. You try again, start over ~ again and again, but you don’t know where to begin. No one understands you; no one knows what you’re going through, you’re alone or at least that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody. It’s night, and you slip into bed. ’Goodbye’ you whisper into the darkness. And with that, you take your last breathe and end it all. No body cares, right? Well you thought wrong. It’s a Tuesday the following morning, and when it’s 7:21, your mother comes and knocks on your door. She doesn’t know you can’t hear her she doesn’t know you’regone. She knocks a few more times, calling your name to open up. When there is no reply from your side of the door, she opens it and screams. She collapses on the ground while your dad rushes to your room. Your siblings have already left for school. Your very weak mother collects all the energy she’s got which is close to nothing to walk over to your bed. She leans over your dead body, crying, squeezing your hand, screaming. Your dad is trying to stay strong, but the tears escape his eyes; calling 000 or 911 with his left hand while his other one is on your mother’sback. Your mother blames herself. All those times she had said ‘no’ to you, all those times she had screamed at you, and sent you to your room over something stupid. Your father will blame himself for not being there for you when you asked for help, for being away from home at work for long. Nobody cares, right? 8:34. There’s a knock on your classroom door it’s the school principle. She looks more worried than ever. She calls the teacher to the side; all the students worried: what’s going on? The principle then later announces about your suicide. The popular girl that always called you fat and ugly is now blaming herself.The kid that would always copy your homework but treat you like crap ~ he’s blaming himself. The boy that sits behind you ~ the one that always threw things at you during class ~ he’s blaming himself too. The teacher is blaming herself - for all those times she’d scream at you for forgetting your homework, or not listening in class. People are crying, screaming, shocked, in regret of what they did. They’ll all be devastated - even the kids you’ve never talked to before. Still nobody cares about you, right? Your siblings get home. Your mother has to tell them that you’re gone; forever. Your little sister ~ no matter how many times she’s screamed at you, told you she hated you and stole your stuff ~ always loved you, and saw you as her hero; her role model. She now starts to blame herself; why didn’t I do what she told me to do when she told me to? Why did I take her stuff even when she asked me not to? This is all my fault. Your brother gets home ~ the boy that never cries. He’s now in his room; mad at himself ~ he caused your death. All those times he’d played pranks on you. He’s punching holes in his wall, turning over things; he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re gone. Forever. Nobody cares about you, right? Right? It has been over a month. The door to your room has been closed all this time. Everything is different now. Your brother has to be sent to anger management classes, your little sister cries everyday still waiting for you to come back. Everyday she waits for you to come back home. The popular girls have now turned anorexic. They don’t know how to deal with the pain that they’re feeling. Your father has depression; your mother hasn’t slept for nights it’s all her fault. She’s been crying and screaming every night wishing for you to come back. The boy who would always bother you dropped out of school. The boy that copied your homework now cuts. But nobody cares about you, aren’t I right? Your mother finally decides to go clean out your room. But she can’t do it. She’s locked herself in your room for two days to try to clean up your clothes, your things. But she can’t she can’t say goodbye to you, not yet, not now. Never. It’s your funeral. It’s a big one ~ everybody comes. No one knows what to say. The beautiful girl with the big smile is gone; you’re somewhere else. No one knows what to say, they’re all still shocked. Everyone cries, everyone misses you. They all wish you’d come back but you don’t, and you won’t. Still think nobody cares about you? Think again. Even if people don’t show it, they care about you, they love you. If you kill yourself today or any other day you won’t know just how much you meant to people. If you kill yourself today, it stops your pain, but it pains all the ones who know you for the rest of their life. Suicide is the easy way out - but it’s the wrong choice. Life is beautiful. Yes, it does have its ups and downs everyone has their bad days. Sometimes people go through tough times in their lives like you’re probably going through now but bad times come and go. You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there. No matter how hard life gets, never give up on yourself, or on your life. Take a minute now, and think. If you killed yourself ~ how would the people that love you feel/go through? Can’t think of anything? Well I’ll tell you: tears, tears, and more tears. Devastation. Guilt. Pain. Broken. Regret. Miserable. If after reading this you still feel suicidal, there are people that can help you. I’m here for you whenever you need me, and I’ll be more than happy to listen to you and try to help you feel better. There are teachers, parents, grandparents, neighbors, adults, councilors ~ they’re all there for you whenever you need them. WE ALL LOVE YOU AND CARE FOR YOU
If I loved
you, I’d carry your heart in my pocket. I’d spend
all afternoon looking at you. I’d sleep with my hand over
your heart each night. I’d call you in the morning and
wake you up, just to hear your morning voice. I’d miss
you as soon as I left you. I’d be honest. I’d tell
you how much you meant. I’d remind you that you’re
beautiful, even if you didn’t believe me. I’d laugh
with you and probably at you. I’d compromise. I’d
show up on your door with takeout. I’d call you on your
bullshit. I’d want you to call me on my bullshit.
I’d buy you dinner. I’d watch movies with you late
at night. I’d show up at your work just to say hi.
I’d tell my family how much I loved you. I’d write
about you. I’d tell you what I was afraid of. I’d
trust you. I’d never want to ever hurt you. I’d buy
you ridiculous things that reminded me of you. I’d play
with your hair until you fell asleep. I’d try to make you
happy. If I loved you, I’d be in love with you
too.
You know how they say
that sea otters hold hands when they sleep, so they don’t
drift away from each other? Humans are a little like that too. We
just want someone who will knot their fingers through ours and
stay there. We want someone to show up on our doorstep at
midnight, holding Chinese takeout, all because they sensed
somehow that you were starving. We want someone to call us in the
morning to wake us up, so we can pretend that we’re mad at
them, when really hearing them first thing makes getting up
worthwhile. We want someone to spend hours thinking about, to
lose sleep over, to not actually be able to sleep until
they’ve said good night. We want someone to go to the
movies with, buy popcorn for, sit and watch not even five minutes
of the movie before you end up spending the rest of it kissing
them. We want someone to call at 3am, just to say, hey you, I
miss you. We want someone to capture our attention, make us
laugh, make our heart do that weird thing where it beats slow and
fast at the same time. We want someone to push up against a wall,
grab onto, pull closer, be infatuated with, and love so
intensely, and just know that it’s still not nearly enough.
We want someone to bring us coffee in the morning. Someone to
fall asleep next to. Someone to spend all day with, and then call
as soon as you get home. Someone to drive anywhere with. Humans
just want someone, who will return everything. So I guess
I’m just asking if you’ll be my sea otter. I’ll
hold your hand when you sleep. I won’t drift away. Even if
you tell me to, I’ll try and swim back.
THEY BROKE
UP
You were like a
glass table, and they just continued to pile things on top.
Until one day the cracks became too much and you shattered. You
think they took away all your pieces don’t you. They
walked in and kicked you while you were still down? It’s
ok. I have some glue here. I can try putting you back together
again if you’ll let me. I know those scars will still be
there, but it’s ok, I have some too. You don’t have
to take all that weight anymore. I’ll help you carry
it.