Bellatrixy101*

you need food to focus
you need food to focus
you need food

Some days I can’t stomach the thought of living without you. It makes me so sick. I’m having one of those days. I keep looking at my phone hoping you’ll call me to ask me how my days going. I keep checking FB to see if maybe I’ll see something you posted. Keep going through your photos, reminiscing because sometimes it’s the closest thing to keeping you here with me. Go through memories like it was yesterday. It’s not the real thing. It don’t even come close. I wish you were here. I miss you so much. I wish I could just talk to you. Maybe you could make sense of what’s going on around me. I’m hoping you’ll greet me in the next life. I just want to see you smile again. Life ain’t ever been the same since you walked through that door. I just wish I got to say goodbye.

I know you used to roll your eyes when mom would compliment you, tell you how amazing, beautiful, wonderful you were. Like she had to say it because she was "mom" 
 
But she wanted to
 
Because she believed it deeply
 
Don't waste your time telling the people who love you the most that they don't count
 
They are the only ones that count 
 
-Senior year movie 2022

Perfection has more than one state.

quote by Raxin

cause you told me that story with such a big grin.
a stupid look on your face as you told me the most...inappropriate story.
was i supposed to laugh?
did you want me to be happy for you?
i don't know what you were expecting.
do you really not know me well enough?
it's so nice to hear about others caring for you.
it's so nice to hear stories about you being so supportive to others as well.
it's so nice to hear about how capable and responsible you are.
now i'm just left confused as to why you never showed me the same.
congrats. you're so out of touch. it's almost legendary.

you don't want to face up to the mess you've caused.
you just want me to greet you with a smile day in and day out.
you want everyone to overlook what a terrible job you've done.

the big blatant elephant in the room trumpets at you
yet you never bat an eyelash.

you do you.
stay delusional.
i will keep my sanity and limit contact with you from here on out.