Status:
I don't even know...
Joined:
August 30, 2013
Last Seen:
9 years
Birthday:
December 23
user id:
370443
Location:
somewhere over the rainbow
Gender:
F
{+} Doctor Who, Sherlock, pop punk music, Orange is the New Black, Gotham, Broadway, marching band,
writing, John Green, Harry Potter, Starkid, lacrosse, sarcasm, girls, demisexuality,
inside jokes, the outdoors, tacos, my band geeks, my Jesus freaks, my Sunday School kids, loud and off-
key singing, purple, orange, Frozen, bowties, button downs, beanies, Starbucks, cats, and smoothies
{-} Being mainstream, pink, homophobia, rude people, my family, Algebra Based
Physics, romance novels, healthy food, doing stuff, bad jokes, stereotypes, team
sports (especially softball), cheaters, disloyalty, gym class, short hair, and being ignored
I may seem kinda quiet but once you get to know me, I'm really not.
Basically, run.
I know this is going to sound kind of awkward, but after reading your quotes I just wanted to say you're probably a bit of a role model to me. Okay bye.
I hope you slept well and have a great day at school. I know you are worried about certain things but I can tell you confidently that you will never be your father. I love you and I know who you are and who you will be. You can't be that. Have a great day, Princess.
Thank you darling...I hope you know how much this means to me. I always look forward to coming on here in the mornings before going to hell (wait, I mean school). You have a wonderful talent for cheering me up. Everything you say means so much to me, though I don't always show it. And as for being my father, you can't say where I'll be in ten years besides married to you. You never know...
I do though. He has hurt you so much that you will do everything you can to not be that person, you will never be him because he has hurt you so deeply. You won't be your father, you will not.
Gym happened.
Our team was too big and guess who everyone else voted off the team? And yeah when I went to the team our teacher moved me to, the stupid wh.ore captain had the fcking nerve to roll her eyes and whisper great under her breath acting like I'm somehow deaf. And I got my first B on a test...which ik I probably shouldn't be complaining about but my parents were mad.
Her name is Maya. She's pansexual (and before you get jealous, also happens to have an adorable ftm boyfriend) and the sweetest person ever. We were weight lifting partners today and then when Coach A wasn't looking, we went outside and threw snow. She's the only girl in the class that isn't a total gossip.
Fine I guess. I went out with my dad and he bought me a new purse and a cd and then took me out for sushi and I have been watching 2 broke girls since.
What I would give to be there with you...
So what CD did you get?
And also, I know this sounds weird but lately I've felt like I don't know a lot about you. I mean I just want to know little things like your favorite candy and your favorite ice cream flavor and yeah...idk if that's weird or not.
A lot better actually. I have off school today for President's Day and tomorrow for a teacher work day, so I still have some time to recover. I fell asleep on the couch last night and when I woke up, I felt so much better. I haven't eaten anything yet, but I'm just taking it easy for today so yeah...
That's good, I have the whole week off (mid winter break) but I wish you could be here. It's a burning ache and I just need you here. It's not even a want, it's a need.
My parents are just...ugh. I don't even know if they hate you but idk. It's their fault that you had to tell your mom so I understand if you hate them. I think I've asked this before, but do you think your parents would like me?
If my parents ever accept me then probably. I don't think my dad will ever accept me but I don't know... And I don't hate your parents, I just hate how they treat youz
So do I baby...
And I wish there was a way to make your parents accept you. I really want our kids to have grandparents...or any kind of family. My dad raised my brothers to be homophobic, and basically the rest of my family is really conservative so idk...
Fine. Okay so I know you're not going to like this nightmare. I hated it, and the worst part is that I can't deny that it won't happen. We were probably around thirty and we were married and had kids. The thing is, it mirrored the way my family is now. I was like my dad and I always yelled at our kids and was stubborn and pushy. We fought all the time and it just felt so real. Baby girl, I am so incredibly afraid of growing up to be like them...
I really need you tonight. I have had a utterly terrible day and just need someone to distract me from life. Please come on soon....
And no I'm not going to cut or anything. I just need someone right now.
I woke up in tears first off, then I ha to babysit for five hours which I love but I just wanted to talk to you, an then I got home and I had terrible stomach pains for like two hours and it hurt to even move, and all night long I just wanted to be with you and it just was bad.
I hope you know I love you. Even though you are stubborn as all get out, I love you. And hearing about you hiring yourself because of something someone who, in ten years, won't matter. I understand how it makes you feel but it hurts me to see you hurt yourself and give in to what they say. So sleep well and stay strong, please baby, it's killing me not being able to protect you from yourself. It is literally killing me. I love you, sleep well. And, for the sake of whatever god there may be, stay strong. Please, baby.
Holly this is why I love you so much. After all my parents said to me, I started doubting but now I know for sure. You believe in me no matter what and I can't thank you enough for that. You give me something to believe in. All these times you've saved me and now you're saving me again and I love you for that <3
Oh and I never got to tell you my good news (at least there's some around here)...I finished applying for my first part-time job. Gahhh I'm excited :3
Of course I believe in you, Jillian, why would I not? It frustrates me so much the amount you don't believe in yourself. And that is good news, I hope you get it.
I hope you know, I didn't sleep one bit last night. You don't like to be ignored? Neither do I, but now, I'm just right out angry. I hope you're happy, Jillian, cause I'm sure not.
Holly I'm sorry. I cut because a lot of crap went on yesterday and I was just fcking tired of it. As soon as I came online to explain, the internet security kicked in and kicked me out. I really wanted to explain and ugh...I'm on my friend Amber's phone now so I probably won't be back until I get my nook back, which should be soon. I just...everything sucks here and seeing as how gym just went I might have to find some more space to cut. I'm sorry baby...
You think of me. I can't even explain how angry I am. If you cut again I will be outraged. If you feel like cutting you think of us. Think of our past, our FUTURE. Think.
I don't know what happened, but I doubt the anxiety attack I have been having all night was worth it. I don't know what is going on, but I am so disappointed. There is so many people you can go to, you have Maddy, and Anna, and all your band friends. Why did you do it? Please, tell me, because I just don't get it. Just let me know what happened so I don't spend all of tomorrow freaking out and having anxiety attacks all day, it's worse as it is. I just... I'm disappointed you did it. Disappointed, and angry. That is my body, you're supposed to be keeping it safe.
I really don't find this funny or amusing. I saw you come online, and go offline. I'm already upset, just tell me what happened before I get mad, please.
I love Frozen too.
And you have a good day too you lucky girl...I need a midwinter break XD
Our team was too big and guess who everyone else voted off the team? And yeah when I went to the team our teacher moved me to, the stupid wh.ore captain had the fcking nerve to roll her eyes and whisper great under her breath acting like I'm somehow deaf. And I got my first B on a test...which ik I probably shouldn't be complaining about but my parents were mad.
Um so today was slightly better I guess. I made a friend in gym :D
How was your day?
So what CD did you get?
And also, I know this sounds weird but lately I've felt like I don't know a lot about you. I mean I just want to know little things like your favorite candy and your favorite ice cream flavor and yeah...idk if that's weird or not.
And no it's not weird.
Reese's
Cookie dough
Or pistachio
Or rocky road
Or any
And any weirdly personal questions you want to ask me?
Favorite childhood movie
Favorite fruit
Peter Pan (still haha)
Watermelon(:
And I wish there was a way to make your parents accept you. I really want our kids to have grandparents...or any kind of family. My dad raised my brothers to be homophobic, and basically the rest of my family is really conservative so idk...
And no I'm not going to cut or anything. I just need someone right now.
Oh and I never got to tell you my good news (at least there's some around here)...I finished applying for my first part-time job. Gahhh I'm excited :3
And honestly, you know I hate the amount you don't believe in yourself as well. You're beautiful, okay? I'm not.
You're even more beautiful than that.