And I always seem to contradict myself. I want to die but I
want to live so fast and so hard that my heart explodes into
millions and millions of pieces, red Valentine confetti that
never touches the ground. I want to stay at home all day and I
want to travel to the most remote places of the earth. I want
to never again have to speak to a stranger and I want to learn
sixteen hundred languages so that I can converse with just
about every single human being in creation. I want to be alone
and forgotten but I want to make friends in all one hundred
ninety-six countries on this earth; I want to talk to no one
but my mother and I want to talk to people from Penza,
Chuncheon, Soweto, Dhanmondi. I want to have a list of friends
that expands the width and depth of the Altantic. I want to
laugh in the face of everything that's frightening but I
can't seem to laugh at anything at all.