valerieexrainbowss
Joined: July 9, 2010
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Hey there! If you're reading this, it looks like you've stumbled upon what's basically my high school diary. It's been many years since I wrote the quotes on here and it's almost surreal to think about how much has changed since then.
Looking back, I wish I could tell myself that I was on to something whenever I hopefully thought about my future. I'd tell younger me that I'm proud of her for all the hard work she's put in and that it'll all be worth the effort someday, many of the things she dreamed of achieving have turned out great thanks to that. I'd tell her that she definitely deserves to be around people who love and appreciate her, just like her best friends did (and still do!). And I'd also say that I know she struggles a lot with her feelings for boys who never seem to like her back, but that she'll meet a great guy when the time is right. It won't always be easy, but she'll get the relationship she's always dreamed of having, and he'll be cuter than all her other crushes even if it's hard for her to imagine!
High school had its ups and downs, now that I'm older I look back on the fun memories with friends and the funny events that always seemed to happen around campus. But I never really wish I could go back to it, because just as I suspected back then, there's so much more out there in the world and I had only experienced a small sliver of what life had to offer. I wish I could give my younger self a big hug, buy her ice cream and reassure her everything will be okay! I think if she met me she'd admire me very much and be amazed by all the things she's accomplished since her Witty days. If you're a high schooler reading this, I hope you can somehow believe your future self would want to do the same for you right now, too. She loves you very much and believes in you more than you'd ever know!
I hope you enjoy reading through my quotes! The early 2010s were definitely a fun time to be a teenager!
Quotes by valerieexrainbowss
You want a guy that'll text you first sometimes, or at least more often than just occasionally. You want someone that's as curious about you as you are about him, a guy that's eager to make plans with you sooner than later, literally. You want someone who's wondering what your voice sounds like - or, better yet, makes sure he finds out before he ever has a chance to wonder. You want a guy who won't find much appeal in other girls because he'd rather be getting to know you than having his half-conscious mouth on someone else's. You want a guy that never leaves you questioning how he feels about you, or whether or not you could ever possibly have a real chance with him.
You want something better than this.
torn between two, who do you choose...
the one you described to a close friend over the phone
as "he's just alright"
or the one where there seems to be a little more
I don't know how to explain
or what this even is, really
but I think it's a little better than "just alright"
because I've seen enough of "just alright"
and I've also seen better
and I don't know exactly where you fall
or who you even are, really
but I think I can give this a shot
can I hold my breath for thirty-six hours?
you spoke of home as if
it was poison on your tongue
that murdered every last dream
you ever had
you spoke as if this was some sort
of death sentence
as if the mere thought could kill
as if this was death
but if this is death, perhaps it's heaven
so I held out my hand and said
"welcome to the afterlife"
I'm sitting in the dark of my room alone
I feel like there's a ghost
but my mind is playing tricks
not necessarily because I don't believe in ghosts
but because I know this one
(if real)
would never nod his head to this
my mind is playing tricks
and there's something telling me
that I don't know everything I think I know
something tells me
to go on
I recalled the day for you
where a familiar new friend held out his hand
he said,
"welcome home"
I'm sitting in the dark of my room
with an old friend
or perhaps with two
something tells me someone's watching
and as I write this I remember hearing that song on the radio
are you
proud of me?
are you happy for me?
I don't know what you think...
I feel like you're happy
wait
no
I don't know
I can't say that
but I do feel like I give you hope
do I give you hope?
does this give you hope?
will you watch me go home?
today was the day
the pessimist met the optimist
and a girl spoke with two
but for some hard-to-explain reason
feels more drawn to one
I don't know what anything is
today was the day
we looked at the glass
and some part of me wondered,
"will it ever break?"
I don't want this too badly
for fear of losing
you don't want this too badly
for fear you've already lost
but I am a familiar new friend
(five times over)
and we are on our way home
and if this is darkness,
let our souls shine
let them guide our way
(this feels incomplete, sorry)
WE STOPPED TALKING
or did I do this for you?
That awkward moment when
the only thing you get an A on
is an online anxiety test
It's funny how a few months back -----------
It's crazy how fast you can
if there's any part of me that thinks you'd make a good couple;
it's only because I think you're both on the same level. And I don't mean that in a good way. I've only met her once, and I doubt she even knew who I was. We were walking in a hallway and I held a door open for her; she gave me a dirty glare like "what is wrong with you?" and walked through the other door, opening it herself. She didn't bother saying thank you. She smiled, but it was one of those "I'm too good for you" sort of smiles, as if the fact she goes to a prep school makes her superior to me and my ways. Pssh. As if she's the better one here. And you - well, to be honest, you're not much better than she is. Because sure, we used to talk, we used to be friendly. I found you cute and you found me cute. Only I didn't find everything about you cute. I never thought it was cute how you felt all of your school friends were superior to all else. I never found it cute how you became lazy with our so-called "friendship," or how you dropped me like I meant nothing, even after you said you cared - oh, that's right, because you didn't. I'm the kind of person to hold the door, you're the kind of person to shut it in someone's face. You know what? I honestly feel like she's better for you than I'd ever be. Because she deserves you, while I deserve better. ♥
Welcome to The Hunger Games.
Everyone is fighting. And in reality, no one wins.
----------
In the end, it came down to two girls.
One of them had no voice but a lot
of hope.
"Hope is the only thing stronger than fear," she was
told.
The other girl, she had a lot of
hope too. But it was a different kind of hope.
Both had the wisdom that all would be okay.
One believed that all would be
okay, and she'd eventually, someday, possibly end up with
what she had thought she wanted.
So she waited... but in silence, as she had no other
choice.
The other girl, however - she had
hope that the future would bring better things.
She believed in "something better."
That was her hope.
And she was banking on it.
She also decided that she would
live in the moment as much as possible, knowing that life was
constantly trying to shove itself down her throat.
In fact, both girls often shoved the ideals of the future down
their own throats so much, to the point where they'd nearly
choke on it.
The second girl eventually decided
that the future wasn't worth more pain than necessary, so
she stopped forcing it.
The first girl kept going; tried
to claim she wasn't hurt.
But it was hard to make this claim when the future was so far
down her throat, it choked her out of a voice...
...and killed her, leaving the other girl the sole
victor.
So, yes, that second girl - the
sole survivor -
she was never hurt, because she stopped letting these ideals
bother her.
But the only way to do so was to believe in - hope for -
something better.
In the end, that wasn't hard to do, as these ideals clearly
weren't good enough for her -
she was worth more.
Seeing as these ideals never served her, she dropped
them.
As for the first girl... she had
allowed them to seal her fate.
She had lost control.
The other - by giving up - had
only gained.
Because the truth is, she never really gave up.
She just let go; thankful,
simply, to breathe.
I'll probably end up just another name on your friends list. Another contact in your phone, one that you'll never text again. That picture of us will be nothing but a mere memory to you. The conversations that lasted until 2 AM will be long gone. I'll just be a symbol of carefree summer days, of a time when, if only for a little bit, the future didn't matter - it didn't matter where any of us were going, it only mattered that we were there then, in those moments. Because as the future arrives, piece by piece, it's going to bury me underneath. Maybe I'll be on your mind, somewhere - but trapped beneath everything else. And I understand, because honestly, it all does matter more than me - your future is more important than some girl you barely know. And I get that, because I see things the same way. But why can't I co-exist alongside all the other thoughts, as you do alongside mine? Why can't you have your cake and eat it too; why can't you go all Hannah Montana and live the best of both worlds - exist in the present moment, yet always have one foot forward? All I know is that I constantly have at least some part of me that's not exactly all there, but is instead lost inside of a daydream - often vague, yet hopeful. I'm never entirely in the moment. Maybe you understood this; maybe this is why you advised me to "take it one day at a time." Maybe you realized that I don't see life day-by-day but rather in large, roughly cut chunks of time; in a constant state of longing - not for the past, but for what hasn't happened yet, for what doesn't exist. In a way you're a part of that, because there really is no you and I right now, is there? You're just a possibility, a maybe, a could-be-but-isn't-quite-yet. Maybe you advised me as you did because in a sense you're the same way - constantly trying to immerse yourself in the future. But on the other hand, you're also the opposite of that, because you seem to always enjoy the moments as they pass - savor each and every one like a cookie cake that melts in your mouth, piece by piece. As it arrives. Maybe one of the reasons why I want you is because I'd love to live my life like that myself, even though I never fully do. Because I'm a planner, sometimes a worrier, and definitely an overthinker. And if that's bad, then I guess I'm the worst. But it's hard for me not to be like this when I'm literally in an environment that spoon-feeds me anxiety as a twisted form of nourishment. Senior year, yes. Neither of us quite knows what it holds. But if anything, that should be exactly why you should remember me, and actually definitely try to be with me - because in the midst of all the pressure, we're going to need a few carefree moments - where, if only for a little bit, the future won't matter. Does it really matter where we're going? Let's just be here, right now. ♥