I
do this thing where I push people.
I push people away.
I push people away that do not derseve to be pushed.
I push them away so I can forget about what happened.
So I do not have to acknowledge it.
I push and push until they are gone.
But deep down, I did not forget & I do acknowledge
it.
I beat myself up about it.
It eats me from the inside out.
I have no one to help me with it
because I pushed them all away.
I want someone to stay.
I want someone to see through the pushing.
I want someone to look at me and say "I know you are not
okay,
so do not push me away,. I want to help you."
I just want someone that will push me back.
Push me forward and stay with me.
But that is a lot to ask.
If easily offended do not read
I think
people who commit suicide are jokes. I
think that it is cowardly and
selfish. Before you judge me, hear me
out. Today, I walked into a school that is dealing with its
fifth suicide in a year and a
half. Fifth suicide. Five
lives were taken, fives different families never
getting their loved ones back and five circles
of friends that lost someone that can never be
replaced. And all of these people will blame
themselves for it all. “I could have talked
to them that day.” “I should have known.”
“It is all my fault.” They
will beat themselves up, repeatedly. They
will cry for hours and
hours. The pain will not subside for
months and even then they can still feel the missing
place in their hearts. But where are the ones that
caused all this pain? They
left their loved ones. They left them with
so much pain. A mother who lost her
son. A brother who lost his little
sister. A best friend who lost their
second half. It is so unbelievably
selfish. And it never
ends. My school is breaking down, piece by
piece. Everyone is affected by it, even if they never knew
them. I walk into school everyday wondering who is
next. What grade is going to suffer the
most? Almost pleading that it is not mine because I
don’t know how much more we can
take. It is getting ridiculous. No
one deserves to go through that pain. I
want to shake every student in my school and tell them not to
leave. Do not leave your loved ones. Do not let them
blame themselves for such a stupid
mistake. Do not be
so selfish.
Push through it. Because guess
what? You wouldn’t f*cking be here if you could
survive it.