I hate myself. I
hate who I am. I hate what I see in the mirror. I hate my past. I
hate my present. I hate everything I am. I go to bed every night
wishing I would wake up with some disease and only have a few
months to live. Or that I would die on the way to school in a car
wreck or have a massive heart attack. Would anyone even care if I
were gone? I walk around feeling empty inside and nobody notices.
Why can't anyone see how sad I am? Can't anyone see how
much pain I'm in? Can't anyone see my struggling to stay
alive? I hate myself even more for having these thoughts. How
weak is that? Why can't I get over it? I ask myself if this
one cruel joke God is playing on me. Is this payback for all the
bad that I've done in my life? I feel like the biggest piece
of trash this world has to offer. I've been told that my
whole life, so what does it matter if I live or die? I feel like
I'm a burden to my family. I just want to be free from all
this. I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I didn't look in
the mirror and feel ashamed of who I am and what I've done. I
hate my appearance. The way people look at me and judge me based
on what I look like. I hate the feeling that people never notice
I'm bleeding inside. I smile even though I want to scream and
break down. What's hardest is transformation. Changing.
I've tried loving myself, and even changing myself, but
neither has worked more than temporarily. I still end up hating
myself. I'm worthless. If there is nothing left to stay for,
why hang around and suffer?
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but you are NOT 'worthless.'