Love Quote #7076299
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And maybe I'm lost, in a way that's never meant to be

And maybe I'm lost, in a way that's never meant to be found.

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wearestarstuff

posted December 29, 2017 at 8:22am UTC tagged with love, depression, quote

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nostalgia is bittersweet and tonight i've just been completely immersed in it. hello. long time no see. how has everyone been? not like anyone cares, but i'm sadly still (physically) alive. self-serving rant. don't even bother. things have completely changed: no glimmer of hope i was clinging on to ever materialised. i am left even more alone than ever because of how much of a different person i've become; i don't blame anyone for it, most of the time it doesn't even matter -- this is just one of the rare times where i feel it really does. i haven't been feeling like a human at all. i spend most of my waking hours running around classes and to places i don't want to be in, all while being completely detached and half-asleep from a settled lethargy. from before the sun rises till well after the sun sets, every single f*cking day. i don't remember the last time i smiled. i don't remember the last time i felt like i had a good day. the fact that this is the life i've been forced into is only beginning to set in. feeling like a complete wreck has screwed with my emotions way too much. one moment i'm flaring up, cursing at everything and everyone, the next moment i'm just in pieces. either way, i'm completely consumed. there is nothing i feel like i'm really comfortable at and that i can find solace in. writing bad poetry has taken up most of my time and gotten my mind off my real life, but my imagination is running dry and i feel that i should just accept that i suck and stop writing/trying to do something i'm not meant to do. for the millionth time, everyone is sick of hearing about this whole situation. don't ask me what's wrong. this is what's wrong. i won't even bother to try and salvage this (anymore). i've tried to find a way out on my own, spent hours talking to people who know better than to just simplay say that things are going to be okay, etc. and the consensus was the same: i'm screwed and that's just how unfair life is. i myself am sick of having to talk about this but it's just something that's constantly nagging in my head because i'm living in it. i want to leave.
22 December 2018 I imagined my mind knowing better felt my viscera quiver. the birds get startled into flight though always round-trip. it’s good to be home alone not that you would if I had anything to do about it but we make do. life sucks its thumb. you’re right where you’re meant to be. who’s to say blankets aren’t party dresses or that eyes can only wet in one way. gloveless in this eventide chill. luckily we aren’t parting thickets for interstices for clarity. I empathise with the trees that bend out of light’s way at least till rough limbs creep up gently against glass they refuse to crack. dirty bedroom window remains so. it treasures the head that rested on it oil and all pondering the ease with which we dance around naked intention. show me it’s possible to live and for quite a while without flowering a new wound. how lovely we are in our natural state. taste of raw tongue on my tongue waves fragile at our feet. we stay dipped long enough for our digits to grow old shrivel without fear. something once felt too cruel to endure. I would not have chosen to float if given the option. but now i’ll swim.

And maybe I'm lost, in a way that's never meant to be

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wearestarstuff

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