Why can strangers call
me pretty,
but you can't?
but you can't?
When I am screaming to myself, "Just let
me live," one might think I am talking to some
external power exerting restriction over me: smothering parents,
toxic friends, an omnipresent God. And while it's true that I
cry to the universe at night over things that they control, they
are just binding my wrists; I am always the one pressing the
knife to my throat. The way my stomach twists itself when I'm
in the presence of others like it's a damp towel to be wrung,
the way my mouth deftly sews itself shut so that my thoughts may
never roam, the way my legs will never hold a fighting stance
because all they've been taught to do is run, that is all me.
The sun and moon, forever looking over my actions, have long
since realised it, so maybe it's time that I do too.
I am friends with a giving tree, and he is surrounded by girls
asking for twigs and leaves. He cries at the pain when some of
his bark snaps off, but only on the inside; he dares not complain
to those he loves. He turns to me for help. He hurts, but what
can he do? He loves those who hurt him, and those who hurt him
love him back, even if it's selfish love. I sit under his
shade, though spotty it may be for lack of leaves, to help think
of a solution of any sort, but I can't think of any
consolation save one: I give him a branch of my own.
☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾
You ask my why all of my writing sounds
sad, but you don't understand the way it
manifests. The way my words are strung
fairy lights, in an empty house at
midnight, trying to make all of the dark
edges beautiful again.
☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾
You ask my why all of my writing sounds
sad, but you don't understand the way it
manifests. The way my words are strung
fairy lights, in an empty house at
midnight, trying to make all of the dark
edges beautiful again.
☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾
Think: when did you stop looking forward to waking up?
—(DS)
when things got hard,
you never put up a fight.
It was easier for you to walk away
than to stay and make things better.
