Rotfl Quotes



So, today me and my family were eating at a place called "Blueberry Hill" a diner.
And my Aunt and my brother were talking about space and how we should have flying cars and sh-t like that,
and out of no where my Aunt randomly looks at me and says
"Holy sh-t you have nose hair!"
And needless to say I laughed so hard I cried, and died a little bit too






Phineas: I know what we're gonna do today!
Ferb:
Ferb: Of course you do, you triangle-headed c*nt. Maybe I wanted to decide what to do today. Did you ever think of that? No. You never think about what I want, you f*cking b*tch. We have the funds to prevent natural disaster and cure cancer, but no, you'd rather f*ck around and build rollercoasters and sh*t. Someday I will end your f*cking life, just you wait and see.














*grandpa voice* See, back in my day, the bathroom was used for taking a sh*t, not pictures













*new Justin Bieber album released*
Me: Don't you hear the people sing
Me: Sing the song of angry men














Mom: What does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?
Me: I don't know, I love you, talk to you later.
Mom: Okay, I'll ask your sister














Neil Armstrong: *travels to moon*
Neil Armstrong: *takes 5 photos*

Me: *went to bathroom*
Me: *takes 37 photos*














Person: What does the fox-
Me: *swoops in*
Me: *puts hand over mouth*
Me: NO
















Okay, so last week after
volleyball practice, I walked back into the school building to find maple syrup splattered across all of the lockers. A mysterious pair of snowshoes were leaning against the wall. My friend walked in behind me, took one look around and said, "The Canadians were here."









 








Dear Boiling Water,
Sorry, I can't get hard today, I just got laid last night.

Sincerely,
Egg









 








When a book does not
adequately describe a character, so you just fill in the blanks but later you actually get a description so you just want to shout, "WRONG! YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE AND NOW YOU ARE WRONG!"









 
People You Might Like
  • E*
  • Steve
  • *Freedom*
  • Dudu*
  • mariah_love1369
  • halfempty
  • Skimrande
Newest Wittians
  • castletoto
  • poooppppppppppppppppppppppppp
  • Jordi52
  • Barbara_Wintheiser
  • Myrtis_Gerhold16
  • romanjack1150
  • Jerry_Romaguera