late
night
thoughts.
i don't think i've ever truly loved him
i can't shake this thought that he is just using me
when he doesn't text me i get anxious and i hate that
a day never goes by without him reaching out to me.
i think i have attachment issues for real
i test him in a way by keeping score
he's always the first to reach out, that makes the anxiety disappear
in person he's always kind and sweet
i miss him when we're apart and i feel him get jealous when i'm paying other guys attention
something is going on but i keep pretending it's not
i keep telling myself i can't love someone if i can't accept all of them
i don't think i've ever truly loved him
i can't shake this thought that he is just using me
when he doesn't text me i get anxious and i hate that
a day never goes by without him reaching out to me.
i think i have attachment issues for real
i test him in a way by keeping score
he's always the first to reach out, that makes the anxiety disappear
in person he's always kind and sweet
i miss him when we're apart and i feel him get jealous when i'm paying other guys attention
something is going on but i keep pretending it's not
i keep telling myself i can't love someone if i can't accept all of them
i'm just so conflicted. cause i know life is good. but this depression. this sad sulky feeling always comes back to me. i tell myself it's like happiness. happiness will always come back. in the same way, this sad unsettling feeling will also come back. but it is never forever.
it still feels awful. i feel like i have to always distract myself so i don't feel it. it's this feeling of dread. i thought i would be happier by now and i am but here i am still.
It's gonna go one of two ways.
I'll be the one or the one that got away.
“His nakedness makes me conscious of my nakedness. He’s too
close even though he’s not. When his eyes linger on my bare
shoulder, I feel as if the water has suddenly gone cold. I don’t
want to feel this, but I do. I’m conscious of my eyes settling at
various parts of his body. I want to look away, look at his eyes or
something, but I can’t. It roves on his body like I’m roadside
lover. “
