CauseISeeSparksFly

an ipod is like memories.
i used to skip songs on my ipod,                                                      the ones i didn't like.
then i realized they're like moments in life,                           and you can't skip through life.
there are moments in life you absolutely hate,                                        and want to skip
but sometimes you gotta keep on listening.                                              just because it
doesn't start out great,                         doesn't mean it won't have its own great moments.
then there's your 'most played,'                                                         your favourite songs.
the songs you know every word by heart.                                 those are your memories.
they can be happy,                   sad,                    angry                    or                    crazy,
but each song comes with its own memories,                              whether it be good or bad.
you have your happy songs, which remind you of all the things that once made you ( smile ).
you have your sad songs,                       that you'll play even if they bring a tear to your eye.
there are the songs you play when you're angry,                  that you belt out to let it all out.
you have your crazy songs,                       the ones that remind you of all the [ good times ].
there's the songs that remind you of past crushes or boyfriends, they never fail to remind you.
there are songs from your childhood,                                            they let you { reminisce }.
and then you find those perfect songs, ones that completely relate to your life at the moment.
one day those songs will become memories,                    reminding you exactly how you felt.
and just like an ipod you can pause,        fast forward,      stop,      or rewind those memories.
you can put it on replay,     and listen to those lyrics that describe those memories perfectly.

and i just want to know how you felt.
when we hung up the phone,   did you feel any regret at all?   did you stare at the
phone in your hand,     as the realization of what just happened began to sink in?
did you have a ( hollow ) feeling in your chest knowing that you just lost someone
you once cared about? did your breath catch in your throat and turn into a sob?
did you sit there and replay our last words   -  our final goodbye  -   in your head?
did you wish you could take back all the things you said and did?
in the morning, did you wake up ready to send that 'good morning' text? did you
walk into school searching for me?       when we passed each other in the hallway,
did it take everything you had not to look up at me and smile?      when we talked,
were tears threatening to fall, was your voice breaking with every word you said?
when you got home,   did you realize what a big mistake we both made?  did you
wish we'd worked on it,  instead of giving up so quickly?  did you wish i didn't snap
at you?       did you wish things between you and i hadn't become so messed up?
did you wish we didn't end?

I'm learning to live my life without you. It's difficult and sometimes I wonder how I wonder how I'm even gonna make it through the day. I still have those days where all I wanna do is sit at home and cry because every little thing I see or do reminds me of you. It's hard, I'll admit that. And having you text me on a regular basis, it kills. I wanna be friends still like you said, but it's so difficult seeing you and knowing it can't work between us anymore. That trust we had, it's completely gone. And I don't think we can ever fully get it back. Like you said, we had some fun times. I don't think fun even begins to describe it. The time we spent together was amazing, for me at least. And I think at one point you did like me, you'd never out right say it, but the way you acted around me and treated me showed it. But I pushed too hard, and like any normal boy you got scared and pushed me away. I just hope one say we can get back to where we used to be, before everything went terribly wrong.