Hai I'm Lexi:)
I live for music and love my friends. I have a boyfirend <3
I get a little mad when people judge others, then complain that people judge them
I have trouble smiling sometimes </3
I'm not a klutz, i just like hugging the floor:))
Mah birthday is May 13 th <3
You know that feeling?
That bad one you get sometimes?
That one where all u can feel is self loathing and those salty tears trickling down your face?
Yeah, that one.
Well that’s how I feel right now. And its something I'm so used to, and yet its just so new. By now I would normally have my knife in my hands. Drawing pretty pictures with blood on my wrist, but I'm not.
In fact, its actually my eyes making a picture that only a mirror will show me. It’s a pretty picture too, little swirls of black sucked up into my tears and trailing down to my chin.
Its so new and a little comforting. I would use my wrist as a canvas, but it makes her upset when I do.
So I'm not using a knife or staples or a razor or blades or scissors or my own nails or a lighter or pins.
I'm letting my eyes make a picture and leaving my wrist to heal.
Everything feels like it's
slipping from my grip…
like I'm fading into the shadows…
the numbness is coming back and there's nothing I can do to
stop it but keep that fake smile on my face..
The one I know so well.
But everyone around me is happy so I refuse to drag them down
into my overdramatic, pitiful life.
I WISH THEY WOULD ALL JUST DISAPPEAR FROM MY MEMORY. THEY SCARRED
ME. I WANT TO BE HAPPY, BUT WHEN I GET CLOSE TO IT… their
faces and words all come back… they remind me that I
don't deserve happiness… that I don’t deserve
love.
They are out of my life, but their words wont go away.
I think I need some help, but right now
music and my little knife are all I need.