idontknowifiloveyou

Once upon a time,
there was this girl I know. She was very shy, pretty, but overlooked by most guys. She didn't mind this, but she wanted someone to love her. Somehow by coincidence she met a boy. This boy, well at first she didn't know what to think of him. A little clumsy. Shy. A cute kind of shy, a hidden smile. She didn't give up on this boy. How could she when there was no one else? It all went pretty fast for her. She didn't know it was happening until it did. Holding his hand felt foreign to her, but she did it anyways. When he told her how he felt late at night, her heart did leaps in her chest. How could she ever have something more amazing? This girl was the happiest she had ever been. Embarrasingly so, she generated all her happiness to this boy. When he kissed her, she was scared. Scared to death, but he kissed her all the same, and it was all she could think about. Oh and they danced, how could I forget? They danced slowly, her head on his shoulder, her face nuzzled in his warm neck. No moment could be better. And then one day this boy got sick of the girl. Everything and nothing happened all at once. For reasons unexplained, he left her. He left her and broke her and she cried. She cried her teardrops of confusion, anger, and realization of heartbreak. It opened her eyes to pain, to lost sorrow. She misses him now, I think. A lot. Still. She doesn't tell anybody. She didn't tell him that he was her first. He'll never know. But that's ok, she's doing better now. She's living as much as she can. But his name will always be etched into her heart.

she's lonely






.

lately I don't know who I am
I'm running around in circles everyday. I'm selfish, cold, and tired, always tired. My thoughts are always focused on what I have to do, where I'm going, what's wrong with my life. I can't seem to get a good picture of my future. I'm always stressed out. Everyday. I never get a break. At school I want to go home. At home my thoughts drown me and I want to be distracted at school. I've been quiet, not talking to many people lately. That smile, it's fake. Most of the time. The boy I adore is not good for me. He's just going to hurt me and I'm going to regret it. The boy I did adore has disappeared, and I can't do anything about that. I'm scared of life, death, everything. I'm drifting away from my best friends, family. School and schoolwork are overtaking me, like a noxious poison. I'm drowning in stress. I'm trying to hold on. I'm so damn selfish.

Lemme guess...
[he's moved on, you haven't?]

The awkward moment when
[your ex has a new girflriend and you're just sitting there like "yup this here's my cat..."]

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