Comicalwizard Quotes


do twins ever realize one of them was unplanned?
ears hurt.

headphones for too long.

whatever.
I've recently decided to freeze myself to
-273°C. My friends think I'll die, but
I'll be 0K

"do you like money?"

"¥€$"
honestly sometimes in school people say the most
ridiculous sh.....it and I make a face and look somewhere 
at an imaginary camera like I'm on The Office

my school has security cameras in every classroom
and I've done this at least 3 times in each class 
this year. today the security gaurd came up to me
and told me I was his hero.
if i cut my foot off and like swing it at your head
am i kicking or hitting you?
"i'd date a fan"
horton hears a bi....tch a....ss liar
year is 2392

child: mommy i can't sleep

mother: don't worry child. lay down as i sing you this
ancient lullaby, passed on through my family for generations

mother: WALK INTO THE CLUB LIKE WHAT UP, 
I GOTTA BIG CO....CK
I was at walmart the other day, and I was sitting on a  bench waiting for
my mom to pay, and I was braiding my hair because that's something I do
when I'm bored, and this dude walks by and says "hey baby, what else
do you do with your hands?"
I gave him my most polite smile and said in
the sweetest way possible "strangle you"

i just had a dream that macklemore was at my house and he told me that
he'd spent all the money he made from Thrift Shop and couldn't buy food
and i said "aw do you need some snacklemore" and he punched me in
my face
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