Wishful thinking leads to a very real heartbreak.
I had a lot of anxiety last night
and in the morning, and I finally
calmed myself down enough
to make it through my driving
test. Well, up until I missed a
turn, then I became a complete
wreck. I ended up failing my test
for the second time. Not because
I missed the turn, the instructor
was really nice about that, but
because when I became a
complete wreck, I was too busy
panicking and being nervous to
actually concentrate and I pulled
into the wrong lane when I was
going back into the DMV. I basically
passed the whole test, made it back
to the parking lot, and then failed.
This is an accurate description on
how everything in my life goes.
and in the morning, and I finally
calmed myself down enough
to make it through my driving
test. Well, up until I missed a
turn, then I became a complete
wreck. I ended up failing my test
for the second time. Not because
I missed the turn, the instructor
was really nice about that, but
because when I became a
complete wreck, I was too busy
panicking and being nervous to
actually concentrate and I pulled
into the wrong lane when I was
going back into the DMV. I basically
passed the whole test, made it back
to the parking lot, and then failed.
This is an accurate description on
how everything in my life goes.
I'd been too caught up in my own self-loathing to see the young man who loved me more than anyone ever could.
these are the poems i finally had the courage to post... so ya here
you go
"My Suicide Notes"
i come to u in pieces
so u can make me whole
i feel 6 feet under
like im living in a hole
i try to do my best
but just cant get things right
maybe im just not worth it
just here a pitiful sight
i feel so worthless
i feel so abused
i feel so angry
so tired and confused
should i just give it up
i really hate my life
theres something up my sleeves
because the only relief is the knife
i learned from many others
that depression is a war
u win or die while trying
most never get that far
im gonna keep on trying
to do the best
i can will hold my head up high
ill be strong just like a man
im lost inside my head
like im traveling through a maze
im stuck at the dead ends
and dont know to go which way
im tired of being misunderstood
im tired of being the mistake
im not that weird, give me a chance
im done trying to be a fake
i hid my secrets
i hid my tears
i hid myself
my pains and fears
no one gets me
they all just stare
they think im a freak
that i dont belong there
the longer i am here
the more i dont belong
how will i heal
if i cant even stay strong
how can i be happy
if everyone breaks me down
i know im a fighter
but im about to drown
i dont want to give up
but what is there to do
if nobody cares to help
nope not even you
im sorry this had to happen
at least that it happend this way
im sorry that ur crying
i just couldnt bare to stay ....
i love you
i really do
and i hope someday when you see me again
that you will love me back too....
"My Suicide Notes"
i come to u in pieces
so u can make me whole
i feel 6 feet under
like im living in a hole
i try to do my best
but just cant get things right
maybe im just not worth it
just here a pitiful sight
i feel so worthless
i feel so abused
i feel so angry
so tired and confused
should i just give it up
i really hate my life
theres something up my sleeves
because the only relief is the knife
i learned from many others
that depression is a war
u win or die while trying
most never get that far
im gonna keep on trying
to do the best
i can will hold my head up high
ill be strong just like a man
im lost inside my head
like im traveling through a maze
im stuck at the dead ends
and dont know to go which way
im tired of being misunderstood
im tired of being the mistake
im not that weird, give me a chance
im done trying to be a fake
i hid my secrets
i hid my tears
i hid myself
my pains and fears
no one gets me
they all just stare
they think im a freak
that i dont belong there
the longer i am here
the more i dont belong
how will i heal
if i cant even stay strong
how can i be happy
if everyone breaks me down
i know im a fighter
but im about to drown
i dont want to give up
but what is there to do
if nobody cares to help
nope not even you
im sorry this had to happen
at least that it happend this way
im sorry that ur crying
i just couldnt bare to stay ....
i love you
i really do
and i hope someday when you see me again
that you will love me back too....
Yes I'm one of those people
that have the uncanny ability
to cut crooked with a
straight edge paper cutter.
Dear butterflies,
when you're
nervous, do you get humans in your stomach?
my quote <3
my quote <3
*Getting ready for a party*
Friend: Omg is my makeup okay?
Me: Well you have some face on your
foundation.
