FML_Quotes

FML Quote #9

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML


 

FML Quote #8

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML


 

FML Quote #5

Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML


 

FML Quote #4

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fu/cking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML


 

FML Quote #3

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML


 

FML Quote #2

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML